The Bhakt Brigade…. be kind to them. They need it

The Bigots

Catch my latest post at http://worldasisee.com/the-bhakt-brigade-be-kind-to-them-they-need-it/

Much ado about sex….

Virginity is a sign of quality

Read my latest article on vriginity at http://worldasisee.com/much-ado-about-sex/

An interview with Suresh Kalmadi

CommonWealth Games 2010 - The fiasco and the men behind it

The last few days have been really hard on poor Mr Kalmadi with the entire world, including his partners in crime from the CWG headquarters coming down heavily on him. Hence like all good scamsters he decided to play the disappearance game and ducked all media hoping that the wind will blow over. But as luck would have it, he ran into our reporter and had no choice but to give this interview. Excerpts of the same :

Reporter : Dear Mr Kalmadi, firstly we thank you for giving us this interview. Please tell us how do you feel about all this backlash which is happening about the games?

Suresh Kalmadi : I am very sad. I worked so hard but instead of appreciating the hard work we put in you guys are all busy making accusations against me. India has let me down completely (Gives a long dejected look)

Reporter : I am sorry did I hear you correct? India has let you down and not the other way round?

Suresh Kalmadi :: Yes.

Reporter : (The reporter is a little stunned, but having heard so many absurd statements in the last few days, that he decided to hold back his amazement) Anyway, Mr Kalmadi to get back to our questions, you had told us a few days back, that the CommonWealth Games would be better than Beijing Olympics. Now seeing the state of affairs what do you have to say for yourself?

Suresh Kalmadi : Well I still say it is better.

Reporter : Better?

Suresh Kalmadi : Yes. You see better is a relative term. For me, what is better, need not be what is better for you. Some people might feel Satyajit Ray’s movies are better than Ramsay films, (the legendary C Grade horror film maker), but I find the opposite. So if I say better, it need not be better as per your standards, but that does not mean it is not better. How can you blame me for having different tastes than you? I strongly protest.

Reporter : (The reporter starts feeling a little dizzy hearing the statement, but then work is work and he continues with the interview). So tell me Mr Kalmadi, what do you have to say for the games Village, which is not in a habitable condition.

Suresh Kalmadi : (Gets Livid) Says Who???????????? When I was given the brief I was told that we need to build a games Village. Do you know I sent my team to every village in India, to understand how a village is like in India, and that is exactly what I rebuilt. Have you not seen villages in India, where stray dogs come inside the home or water leaks from the terrace or there is stagnant water full of mosquitoes? Or that villagers pee anywhere, cause there is no proper latrine system there? So I rebuilt that. Now they come and say they want something else. Tell me where in the brief was it mentioned, that the village has to be UK village. It just village and we thought it was an Indian village and that is what we built. And yet you blame me for it. I just do not understand why we still want this colonial effect? Why can we not have Indian Villages when the games are happening in India?

Reporter : (By now the reporter is really feeling unwell) So you feel that the village is perfect? OK can you tell us what is your explanation for the immense amount of wealth which is said to be wasted for this games.

Suresh Kalmadi : I am sorry but what wealth has been wasted? Do you know we have fixed the bids for all Delhi Government Project for the next 3 years for all products we purchased. Do you realise what that means?

Reporter : Yes it means these vendors can loot the public money for 3 more years?

Suresh Kalmadi : NONSENSE !!!! It means for 3 years the Government does not need to spend any money taking out ads in newspapers, for tenders, for any new purchase. It means the Government does not need to waste its officials to go through tender applications and waste their time and tax payer’s money. It means the Government does not need to to pay anything more when costs of these products increase. Do you realise how much that saves our money? Yes for that we had to pay a little more to buy these products but am sure you will accept in the long run, it is money saving. And you say we squandered money?

Reporter : (By now the reporter is completely dazed and unable to talk) Ah……..mmmmm…so what happens if prices fall and no such need comes up? And what about the allegations that money is being routed through multiple agencies to reach the CWG officials and they are taking the money.

Suresh Kalmadi : Firstly this is a speculation that we will not need such products in future or that the prices might fall and I cannot purchase based on such speculations. Secondly what is this games called? Do you know? Its called common wealth games. What does that mean? It means the wealth is common for all. So what if we took some of the common money? Is it wrong? After all it is common wealth and what is wrong with taking the common wealth which is meant for all? Did we refuse money to anyone? Everyone, cutting across countries and colour of their skin took money. After all we were just living up to the name? And yet we get blamed.

AT THIS STAGE UNFORTUNATELY OUR REPORTER COULD NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE AND FAINTED…and hence we could not bring you balance of the interview. But we will continue to try and track him down to get him to answer other allegations if any, and report the same back to you soon

In the meantime you can follow Suresh Kalamdi on twitter : http://twitter.com/kalmadispeaks

How many scams must the IPL have before they call for a ban…The answer my friend is blowing in the wind

The scam they called IPL

On 26th of April the Governing council for IPL met to discuss the fate of the game and Mr Lalit Modi. Following is an imaginary representation of that meeting.

(Players – Shashank Manohar,Arun Jaitley, Inderjit Singh Bindra, BCCI treasurer M.P. Pandove, vice presidents Chirayu Amin, Rajeev Shukla, Board secretary N. Srinivasan, joint secretary Sanjay Jagdale, Jammu and Kashmir Cricket Association chief Farooq Abdullah, IPL vice-chairman Niranjan Shah and former India captains Ravi Shastri, Sunil Gavaskar and Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi
Absent Player but hero cum villian – Lalit Modi
Absolutely absent gullible idiots – The general public)

Scene I : 10 AM Governing Council Meeting (Scene opens with Mr Jaitley reading out the allegations against Mr Modi)

Arun Jaitley : Friends, IPL governing members and fellow scamsters, Lend me your ears. We have come here to bury Modi, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them,
The good is oft interred with their sacking,
So let it be with Modi …
The noble Mr Shashank Manohar Hath told you Modi was ambitious:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault, And grievously hath Modi answered it …
Here, under leave of Mr Manohar and the rest, (For Mr Manohar is an honourable man;
So are we all; all honourable men) Come I to speak in Mr Modi’s ouster…
He was our friend, faithful and just to all of us:
But we all say he was ambitious;
And we all are honourable men….
He hath brought many shady deals to IPL,
Whose ransoms did all our pockets fill:
Did this in Modi seem ambitious?
When that the bids could not be rigged, Modi hath wept:
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet all of you say he was ambitious;
And we all are honourable men.
You all did see that on the negotiation meetings
Sony presented him with a TV Channel
Which he did refuse(he just took a plane): was this ambition?
Yet we all say he was ambitious;
And, sure, we all are honourable men.
I speak not to disprove what we all spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love him once, not without cause (he made us rich):
What cause withholds you then to mourn for him?
O judgement! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And we have lost our biggest scamster…. Bear with me;
My heart is in the coffin there with Modi and all our money we will lose now,
And I must pause till it come back to me.
(Mourns for 2 minutes)

Shashank Manohar : Thank you Mr Jaitley for your impassioned speech. Indeed we must all mourn Mr Modi. Today is a very sad day for us. Without Mr Modi we have no clue how to pull such grand scams and cheat every regulating authority with such panache. It is a very sad day for us.

Inderjit Singh Bindra : But without Modi, how will we survive? Who will rig the bidding and get us kickbacks? Who? Who? Who? We have to get him back !!

Srinivasan : But we had to sack him. First we needed a fall guy, besides his family’s stake in two IPL’s were sheer conflict of interest. How could we allow that?

Ravi Shastri : DUH !!!! You Mr Srinivasan own the Chennai Super Kings, and that too directly?

Srinivasan : But that is exactly the point. I own it directly. For that I changed the rules of BCCI, which was completely illegal, so I can own the team directly. His mistake was he did NOT change any rules, and made his family own it, but WORSE IS THAT HIS COMBINED FAMILY STAKE IS MORE THAN MY PERSONAL STAKE IN IPL. Tell me. how can I let that happen? So he had to go !!

Ravi Shastri : Makes sense.

MAK Pataudi : But will not the question arise what was the governing council doing here for 3 years? Why did we not raise a stink even when last year the kickback scandal broke?

Rajeev Shukla : What kickback? Mr Pataudi they called it the Facilitation Fee last year. How will we know it was kickback? We thought it was a facilitation fee to facilitate the move. How would we know it was a kickback !!! I just don’t understand this. Last year they call it facilitation fee and this year they call it kickback and expect us to know? I refute this charges vehemently.

Sanjay Jagdale : Absolutely !!! We have no resonsibility. After all we are just the governing council. And what is the governing council supposed to do? Govern the IPL so all things go right? But nothing went right from day one, so technically speaking we cannot be blamed as they gave us everything wrong.

Niranjan Shah : I completely agree with Mr Jagdale. We were cheated. Whenever we asked they said everything was going right. Modi should have told us things were going wrong !! He lied to us, so how can anyone blame us? What do you say Mr Gavaskar. You have been awfully quiet?

Gavaskar : Blame him, sack him, keep him. How do I care? I will sulk and not talk. What was the use of being a governing council member when I could not get my only son Rohan Gavaskar purchased by any team? I hate IPL. I hate Lalit Modi. I want my son :((((((. After all its all about loving one’s son 🙂

M.P. Pandove : Cool down Mr Gavaskar. We all understand. Mr Modi got his step-son-in -law to benefit, and you could not auction your only son? Its unfair. Please Mr Gavaskar, please don’t cry. Am sure God above will understand and help you pull this scam next time.

Niranjan Shah : So basically we all agree. Modi must go. He brought us disrepute. We all agree that in spite of being in the governing council we could not steal nearly as much as Mr Modi. Mr Pataudi could not get his son to win a bid, Mr Gavaskar could not get his son auctioned, Mr Srinivasan could only own one team, and most of us hardly made any money from all the scams as compared to Modi. Besides if he does not go, he will tweet about us knowing everything and basically confirming what everyone knows and understands – The governing council is equally hand in glove with him and / or we are bunch of idiots sitting here who have no clue what work they should do. So he has to go. All in favour say aye.

Shashank Manohar,Arun Jaitley, Inderjit Singh Bindra,M.P. Pandove, Chirayu Amin, Rajeev Shukla, Board secretary N. Srinivasan, joint secretary Sanjay Jagdale, Niranjan Shah, Ravi Shastri, Sunil Gavaskar and Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi : AYE !!!!

SCENE II : Twitter Account of Modi

Modi on Twitter : Don’t worry guys. I will be back soon with a brand new scam. Till then wait for me. Adios !!

SCENE III: Rest of the country

Gullible Indian Public : So we spent money, stood in the sun to watch all rigged matches? Wow !!! And we will do it again next year. How many scams must the IPL have before they call for a ban…The answer my friend is blowing in the wind…AND HOPEFULLY WE WILL NOT BE BLOWN BY IT 🙂

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