An interview with Suresh Kalmadi

CommonWealth Games 2010 and Mr Suresh Kalmadi - What a combination

CommonWealth Games 2010 - The fiasco and the men behind it


The last few days have been really hard on poor Mr Kalmadi with the entire world, including his partners in crime from the CWG headquarters coming down heavily on him. Hence like all good scamsters he decided to play the disappearance game and ducked all media hoping that the wind will blow over. But as luck would have it, he ran into our reporter and had no choice but to give this interview. Excerpts of the same :

Reporter : Dear Mr Kalmadi, firstly we thank you for giving us this interview. Please tell us how do you feel about all this backlash which is happening about the games?

Suresh Kalmadi : I am very sad. I worked so hard but instead of appreciating the hard work we put in you guys are all busy making accusations against me. India has let me down completely (Gives a long dejected look)

Reporter : I am sorry did I hear you correct? India has let you down and not the other way round?

Suresh Kalmadi :: Yes.

Reporter : (The reporter is a little stunned, but having heard so many absurd statements in the last few days, that he decided to hold back his amazement) Anyway, Mr Kalmadi to get back to our questions, you had told us a few days back, that the CommonWealth Games would be better than Beijing Olympics. Now seeing the state of affairs what do you have to say for yourself?

Suresh Kalmadi : Well I still say it is better.

Reporter : Better?

Suresh Kalmadi : Yes. You see better is a relative term. For me, what is better, need not be what is better for you. Some people might feel Satyajit Ray’s movies are better than Ramsay films, (the legendary C Grade horror film maker), but I find the opposite. So if I say better, it need not be better as per your standards, but that does not mean it is not better. How can you blame me for having different tastes than you? I strongly protest.

Reporter : (The reporter starts feeling a little dizzy hearing the statement, but then work is work and he continues with the interview). So tell me Mr Kalmadi, what do you have to say for the games Village, which is not in a habitable condition.

Suresh Kalmadi : (Gets Livid) Says Who???????????? When I was given the brief I was told that we need to build a games Village. Do you know I sent my team to every village in India, to understand how a village is like in India, and that is exactly what I rebuilt. Have you not seen villages in India, where stray dogs come inside the home or water leaks from the terrace or there is stagnant water full of mosquitoes? Or that villagers pee anywhere, cause there is no proper latrine system there? So I rebuilt that. Now they come and say they want something else. Tell me where in the brief was it mentioned, that the village has to be UK village. It just village and we thought it was an Indian village and that is what we built. And yet you blame me for it. I just do not understand why we still want this colonial effect? Why can we not have Indian Villages when the games are happening in India?

Reporter : (By now the reporter is really feeling unwell) So you feel that the village is perfect? OK can you tell us what is your explanation for the immense amount of wealth which is said to be wasted for this games.

Suresh Kalmadi : I am sorry but what wealth has been wasted? Do you know we have fixed the bids for all Delhi Government Project for the next 3 years for all products we purchased. Do you realise what that means?

Reporter : Yes it means these vendors can loot the public money for 3 more years?

Suresh Kalmadi : NONSENSE !!!! It means for 3 years the Government does not need to spend any money taking out ads in newspapers, for tenders, for any new purchase. It means the Government does not need to waste its officials to go through tender applications and waste their time and tax payer’s money. It means the Government does not need to to pay anything more when costs of these products increase. Do you realise how much that saves our money? Yes for that we had to pay a little more to buy these products but am sure you will accept in the long run, it is money saving. And you say we squandered money?

Reporter : (By now the reporter is completely dazed and unable to talk) Ah……..mmmmm…so what happens if prices fall and no such need comes up? And what about the allegations that money is being routed through multiple agencies to reach the CWG officials and they are taking the money.

Suresh Kalmadi : Firstly this is a speculation that we will not need such products in future or that the prices might fall and I cannot purchase based on such speculations. Secondly what is this games called? Do you know? Its called common wealth games. What does that mean? It means the wealth is common for all. So what if we took some of the common money? Is it wrong? After all it is common wealth and what is wrong with taking the common wealth which is meant for all? Did we refuse money to anyone? Everyone, cutting across countries and colour of their skin took money. After all we were just living up to the name? And yet we get blamed.

AT THIS STAGE UNFORTUNATELY OUR REPORTER COULD NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE AND FAINTED…and hence we could not bring you balance of the interview. But we will continue to try and track him down to get him to answer other allegations if any, and report the same back to you soon

In the meantime you can follow Suresh Kalamdi on twitter : http://twitter.com/kalmadispeaks

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Comments

  • Shubho  On September 24, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    really brilliant and love the humour.

    • priyashmita  On September 24, 2010 at 1:34 pm

      Thanks 🙂

  • Mahesh  On September 26, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    Too good

  • priyashmita  On September 26, 2010 at 9:33 pm

    🙂

  • Anil  On October 24, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    Love the piece. Love the tongue in cheek humor.

    I’d have preferred the reporter keep his feelings to himself, let the subject satirically speak for himself and let the reader come to his/her own conclusions.

    Also someone once asked me, why is it that in jokes from India, someone always has to faint as part of the punch line?? 🙂 🙂

    • priyashmita  On October 24, 2010 at 5:55 pm

      Thanks Sir. But without fainting could not think of an ending. You can check the others where no one fainted like the letter to Mr Bal Thakeray or ousting of Lalit Modi 🙂

  • swati  On October 25, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    Hey its amazing but m still in surprise if this interview really happened?

    • priyashmita  On October 25, 2010 at 5:17 pm

      Of course not. Complete figment of my imagination but then generally he does talk such crap..or rather had he spoken it would have been funnier. Rarely can one person talk so much crap and get away with it 🙂

  • swati  On October 26, 2010 at 6:50 am

    True that’s why I was wondering why wasn’t it telecasted:).

  • priyashmita  On October 26, 2010 at 11:00 am

    True. Should have been. Or at least published in some newspaper

  • John  On December 17, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    Just stumbled across your blog… Liked the humorous take on the Commonwealth Games mess. Keep up the good work!

    • priyashmita  On December 17, 2010 at 6:53 pm

      thanks a lot

  • Dinesh  On July 12, 2011 at 1:41 am

    Is Congress on the Mission to Legalize Crime? What kind of Cabinet Reshuffle PM Manmohan is going to make when CROOK like DIGGY would still hold position on Top Brass, who always feels BABA’s as Thughs & has soft corner for TERRORISTS-LOOTERS as BROTHERS ? If so, then why the Liars Spokespersons of Congress Cheats the Country on National TV that they are reluctant to fight graft and because of that Ashok Chavan has ti resign and Kalmadi is in Jail? Why DISCRIMINATORY to their CO-Partner A Raja & Kanimozhi?

    • priyashmita  On August 17, 2011 at 7:51 pm

      dinesh – congress, bjp….all are same…in bangalore bjp steals and congress screams and in the centre congress steals and bjp screams

  • aayush  On August 17, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    post also in hindi

    • priyashmita  On August 17, 2011 at 7:50 pm

      aayush i don’t think i can convert the humour in hindi as not proficient in that language but will try

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