For the one’s whose heart got broken…Life has just begun :)

Since I have been a kid the general myth I have heard about relationships (in case there is a mishap in it that is) that the one who breaks your heart always has the upper hand..You see its an ego booster that I dumped you…now here is my small little attempt to demistify the myth of being dumped..and also hoping that if anyone of you have been dumped feel happy reading this and the ones who have dumped realise how dumb they were :)…

Now tell me whoever has fallen in love..what is the most interesting part of falling in love…Go ahead think a little…cmon…is it the flowers? the i love you’s?, the gifts, the dates? The ANSWER IS A NO..the best part of falling in love is the chase…when you not sure whether you will get him or her….Isn’t it?…I mean the thrill of the chase or being chased is something the best of romances cannot compete with….Am I not correct?

 So the first theory for the people whose heart got broken…Rejoice…cause now you can find a new love…cause without an ending there can be no new beginning ..Hell with the old…new love here I come

Now for the next…if you are a man I assure you women don’t like men who dump their women..makes them jittery..what if he dumps me?…and if you are a woman..a man likes to be in control..so if he hears you have dumped..its a general (mis)conception that you were in control…So tough for both sexes to find the next one…and if you cannot find the next one then why dump at all? It contradicts my first theory 🙂

So the second theory is never ever ever ever dump someone…..It always fails

So then what does one do if one wants to be out…simple get dumped…now by the time you are in a relationship am sure you would know the person’s likes and dislikes and I am sure you would know that one thing he / she dislikes which if they find out you have done will sure end up in them dumping you….So do that !!! Now this also has an added advantage…when you are the dumped party you always get the sympathies…have you ever heard sympathies go to the person who has dumped or have they always got the brickbats?…and nothing gets you your next love faster than finding out that you an aggrieved party…men love taking care of such women and women love the idea that he stuck on with such a bad girl (makes them feel hey I can be normal with him and still not get dumped )…so you see you win…

So the theory number three is..when you want to be out..do something which will make the opposite party dump you…and boom you are in the reckoning again

So apply the above three rules and see how your broken heart mends….remember every cloud has a silver lining..and yours has just begun :)..and remember always…dumb people dump…smart people get dumped..so which one are you?
Terms of Reading this Posting : 1.The writer (that is me of course) takes no responsibility of the consequences that will follow if you follow this theory..Please do it at your own risk
2. The writer (that is volia me again) does not give you the authority to sue me cause of any accident that happens cause of this. But just in case you still want to, I can only allow you to do so if you hire my firm to fight your case (you see I run a LPO as well and its good money if my lawyers can fight and I get commission)
3. The comments above does not in any way reflect the writer’s (that is once again me) life and its outcomes. Hell who said one has to practice what one preaches 🙂

I am dark…and am loving it :)

I have often heard the comment…”even though you are dark you have a pretty face” being told to me…and i always end up wondering…is it an oxymoron dark and beautiful?…if not why do people naturally assume that dark people cannot be pretty or attractive?

I was told that when I was born a lot of people told my parents that it would be tough to get me married cause I was dark and once when I had an accident at the age of 4..and people thought it might leave a scar on my face..the discussion went to greater depths….its a separate thing that my dad and my mom were never really bothered about my marriage and they only cared if their daughter studied and made it in life (and my dad did not want me married at all..no one in this world was good enough for his daughter)….but the fact was people still consider that if you dark skinned you cannot be pretty…

I have an aunt of mine..mishtu….actually she is more my friend as we more or less same age group…she is dark..and I would like to compare her with all the fair damsels I have ever met…and ask anyone who knows her if they can find even 1 girl who even remotely looks as hot and  as pretty and sweet as her…then why this belief?

I have often gone to the beauty parlour to get dressed for a occassion …only to make it very clear…DONT YOU DARE MAKE ME FAIR…and to see some of the shocked expression on their face which said “why would a girl not want to look fair? is she insane?????”…And seeing their reaction I would generally just wonder..is it me? am i really so different??

Maybe I am..I remember quite some time back there was an infamous fight between bipasha basu and kareena kapoor and the latter called her kaali billi..in other words referring to the fact that bipasha is dark….and insinuating she is better looking cause she is fair…and the media obviously splashed it all over…and the only thing that struck me in the entire fight was why no one asked kareena does dark mean you cannot be pretty?….and the bigger thing which struck me was why did no one question her that?

Of course the othe common factor added to dark skin is marriage ads…am yet to see a marriage ad which says looking for a dark skinned wife…why does everyone want a fair wife?? (I will put up a separate post where I will give my response to one such marriage ad shortly)..But truly can someone tell me why does everyone want a fair wife? And this desire cuts across every generation and every social class

And of course then there is the case of the fairness creams….i have no issues with them had they said i will just look fairer with it..but they go to madenning heights to say I will be successful only if am fair???? Helloooo…am successful in every sense of the word…and am dark…so is so many of my friends….so please can those ad film makers stop making such ludicrous ads? When we stop parliament cause of some tv program I wonder why no law maker makes an issue of this? I know there is a small hue and cry and hence they have changed it a bit..but nothing of consequence so far..and I refuse to believe that ad makers in India cannot come up with a more sensible marketing campaign for them….

Anyway the question that still remains…and a question I want to ask all..does dark mean not beautiful?? Does being dark mean I cannot be successful? Does dark mean I wont find a man??? Cause I am dark…and I feel beautiful..i am successful..i do meet men (and the reason for less success in this department has nothing to do with my skin colour i assure you 🙂 )….. I AM DARK…AND LIKE I SAID…I AM LOVING IT

The men I meet…

Is something wrong with me? Else why would I attract so many dimwits around the world? Its like its written on my face – “Hey are you dumb or shallow? Then can we become friends or at least can we talk?”. I will of course give you various examples to tell you why I feel so (If I hurt anyone in the process I am sorry, but my brains are hurting too much and hence I had to do this)

I will start with an incident quite a few years back..I met this guy in some get together. I had just come to Bangalore and he was introduced to me through someone. So one day we bump into each other and he is like “can we have coffee?” (this was the second time I met him). I was like ya..and then he went to an atm to withdraw the money..and you won’t believe what was the next thing he did….he actually showed me the atm slip and said..”Did you see my bank balance? Am rich” (quote unquote)…I WAS LIKE WHAT??????????????????????????????????….. Poor chap had a huge grin on his face and I guess was thrilled that he impressed me with his bank balance…I guess he felt the term “size matters” meant the size of his bank balance. Anyway I had to leave immediately as i could not control my laughter anymore..But since then i refuse to have coffee with anyone who needs to withdraw money before treating me for coffee 🙂

Well if you think this was a lot hear the next one…I meet this guy through a business forum and we got to talking. He seemed quite nice and friendly and I was like now here seems to be a nice and ok guy. But of course my thoughts were short-lived. One day we had some work to discuss and we decided to meet for a working lunch as it was quite late. Somehow the work talk finished early and so we got to general chit-chat and he went on to talk about himself and somehow the conversation steered to the fact that he was interested in me…I was about to say I hardly know you when he went on to tell me about himself so that I get to know him..and this was his story…He believes in astrology..he had a live in gf for 3 years and when they decided to marry he went to an astrologer and the astrologer told him how bad this girl was for him…and that is when he realised that since she came into his life how many bad things had happened….and they broke up…and now that astrologer told him if he marries a girl from bengal his life would be awesome..hence his interest in me…I literally choked on the food and was about to die of laughter there..but stopped myself seeing how serious he was…luckily I used to carry two mobiles then and i urgently made a call from one to another and pretended there was an urgent call from office and ran out….and i must say i laughed so much on the way back that people on the road surely thought i was insane….anyway as it happened the relationship..both professional and personal did not move any more from there…though i regret it..cause i really wanted to ask this guy some questions..1. why after 3 years of a live in relationship did he feel the need to consult an astrologer to marry the same girl? 2. was that girl so powerful that she could affect his fate and if so wasn’t she eqivalent to God? But then I could not. Am still hoping to run into the guy someday and ask him these questions though..

Hello…are you guys laughing reading this?…Please am talking about my life’s tragedies..so can you guys stop laughing and read my sob story? Anyway life went on. One day a friend of mine wanted to send me something from Delhi and told me to meet this guy who was carrying the stuff for me. So I called up this chap and we planned to meet somewhere, where I could collect my stuff. Now of course after collecting my thing I could not say bye immediately and hence to be decent I decided to have coffee with him (condition was I pay as after the last incident i did not want to risk again)..now during the conversation the talks steered to about me and my past…so me being a general honest person did say that i had a relationship before and it ended and I gave the reason why I felt it had ended..he after hearing the story went on to refute me and gave me his reasons as to why he felt the same had ended..I tried telling him that my ex was a different kind of guy but to no avail. He went on and on and on and on and on…on his theories…I finally asked him ” Did you know him?” But of course my humour fell flat on him…As it happened I never met him post that day…

Now if the above makes you wonder do I attract shallow people, you need to hear this story. I had just joined this firm and suddenly someone in HR sent me a sms that there was some colleague in some department whose wife had met with some accident and needed o+ve blood. I did not know who the colleague was and of course much less his wife. I called up HR and took the details and forwarded the sms to all I knew in Bangalore stating the criticality of the patient as well (My blood group wasnt o+ve so I of course could not donate). Of course some people responded saying sorry it wasnt their group, some saying hey we are not but we have other friends who can donate, some sent a url where I can check for other donors and some sent saying they have the same blood group and are of course willing to donate….But the one sms which surpassed every sms I have ever got was this one..This guy sent me this sms and here I am putting it quote unquote “Hi. My blood group is o +ve. But I would have to attend a birthday party today, so I can donate tomorrow”. I swear I did not know whether I was supposed to laugh or cry reading that message. I mean how shallow are you? Well that was the first day I started doubting myself. I felt it must be me cause I really had felt this guy was different. NOW NOW STOP LAUGHING..am bloody serious about this…here I keep attracting all the nerds of the worlds and you guys are laughing? NOT FAIR…Of course in his defence I must say he told me the very first day that people say he is very shallow….it was my fault I did not believe it 🙂

So you guys are already feeling sorry for me or not? Well wait there is more..now this is something my women friends would understand more….am sure many of you have had men call you up and telling you how they have fallen for you…now I ASSURE YOU I HAVE NEVER HAD SUCH LUCK….but what is worse is what happened to me…This man calls me up one day when am at work and announces that I am in love with him…YES YOU HEARD ME RIGHT…He did not say he was in love with me but I was in love with him..and the reason he called me was to break my heart cause he realised we were not meant to be..it took me a few minutes of course to grasp what he said…(i know i know you will think by now I should be used to such things, but I wasn’t)….anyway finally after a few minutes when I realised that my heart was broken I just asked why do you think so? He said he just knew as he was very smart (here i would like to state that though i had met the guy just three of four times but in his defence will admit was quite friendly with him)…I of course did not want to refute the guy as any further conversation would have made me burst out in laughter and i sadly realised the guy’s egoist head would have construed something else of that…hence i said ok and hung up…OF COURSE WHAT FOLLOWED NEXT WAS I LAUGHED SO MUCH THAT ALL MY COLLEAGUES IN OFFICE HAD TO TELL ME THEY WILL TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL TO STOP MY LAUGHTER…well after that i of course did call many of my friends to tell them that I was informed I am in love and the guy has rejected me…luckily I managed to nurse the broken heart back to health quite fast…i guess laughter and some fevicol did the trick…but till date this was my best love affair :)…of course its sad that since then I never met him and I sincerely hope he has met his love…someone he loved and hopefully he is married off..but I hope he knows how true was my love and how much he missed out 🙂

Anyway since that day I turned my life only to work and old friends..I realised that fate has decided that I have too many friends and hence its fate’s way of saying stop making new friends…This was my way of consoling myself after all the tragic meetings I had…..and I had stopped myself completely…till a few days back when I felt maybe things have changed and just maybe its not me…but I WAS WRONG…..cause in a few days i met this guy online who had no clue how to act….well it so happened that this fellow sent me an online request….Now i generally dont add people I dont know but of late I have accepted a few of them if they have a common friend….so here i acceped this guy in all faith that if he knew this friend he would definitely not be crass… so promptly this guy comes on to FB chat and starts talking to me…actually to be correct he bombarded me with questions (got a feeling he was carrying a questionnaire) which ranged from asking my age, my occupation, marital status, love life, education, etc…after answering a few I was forced to tell him that I dont enjoy really discussing my personal life, so if he could stop his questions. When he was refusing to relent I had to tell him that I wont answer as I felt it wasnt really important at this stage (I will be honest am now very skeptical of talking about myself owing to some above mentioned incidents)….I also made it very clear I don’t like it when people I dont know intrude on my personal space or cross the boundaries of familiarity with me….Anyway he stopped only to start off in 3 minutes and this time he asked me about whether i go to the disc…(i have written about this already)..i was surprised that my sarcastic comment about the uniform was understood and I felt maybe I was wrong…But once again my hope was short lived…in the next few minutes he asked me if he could tell me a story and before I could respond he went on to tell me a story on some king and his sexual escapades…I was like excuse me? Do you have any clue what are the boundaries of decency when you meet a girl or cause I go to a disc, the next assumption is you can the talk about sex?

ANYWAY I OF COURSE DELETED AND BLOCKED HIM IMMEDIATELY BUT SINCE THEN I HAVE REALISED THAT IT IS ME…I attract all nitwits, dimwits, shallow idiots of the world….else how does one justify all this?????..So please please please…if you don’t know me, don’t send me a friend request..and if you meet me offline dont initiate a conversation….it will just prove you are the above..CAUSE TRAGIC AS IT MAY SOUND I SEEM TO ATTRACT THEM BY THE DOZEN :)…And please no one should laugh reading this note…I am writing a tragedy and not a comedy

PS : This does not include some of the people who are on my friend list whom I added online. Its not a sweeping statement on all people I meet but some nerds I do 🙂

I SAY NO TO RACISM…..

This entire shahrukh khan being detained episode has suddenly taken a new turn – racism. Its suddenly cause we asians that they treat us this way. And of course we Indians cannot tolerate that….How dare you be racist..but look inside us..are we Indians not the most racist community? And unlike them we are proud to be so and flaunt it…

Every other day I meet parents who object to their children marrying someone who does not follow their religion, or is not of their caste, creed, etc. For them their lineage is above all and everyone else who tries to sabotage it is wrong…So isnt that racism? When I get up and say my religion is better than yours, my caste, my creeed, etc, etc…Then why complain about the Whites being racist. Hell we make a much better case of racism than they ever could. I remember the movie “Guess Who’s coming to Dinner” where Joanna (the heroine) does not want to believe her parents are racist . I still remember the last dialogue of Spencer Tracy (the father) where he tells his daughter “Anybody couId make a hell of a good case against your getting married. The arguments are so obvious that nobody has to make them. But you’re two wonderfuI peopIe…who happened to fall in love…and happen to have a pigmentation probIem.And l think that now…no matter what kind of a case some bastard couId make..against your getting married…there wouId be only one thing worse.And that wouId be if knowing what you two are, knowing what you two have, and knowing what you two feel you didn’t get married”. I wonder even today how many parents can tell their kids this. That is a 1967 movie and in 1967 america made a movie which said hey we are racist but we hide it. Its 2009 today and India still says we are racist and we flaunt it. AND WE DO NOTHING…

Riots are also a sign of racism when one group gets up and tells another group, hey I will kill you cause I am better than you in terms of religion, etc. I remember a very close friend of mine once told me why riots happen (This was during the Godhra epsiode). He said its mob fury and gave me an example. What happened if a muslim guy killed him ? Now he being a dear friend of mine, Wouldnt i be so angry that I would feel all muslims are wrong and go kill another muslims. That is what causes riots. Now that got me thinking that he was absolutely right. Except what would happen if some Hindu in some riot God forbid had even remotely harmed Shireen (a very close friend of mine) or her family or Immy chacha and his family(immy chacha is dad’s schoolmate and more than family for me), would I blame all Hindus and go kill them? Going by that logic, then the first person who needs to be killed would be me as technically speaking I am a Hindu. Or is then the basic premise is that I being a Hindu cannot have a very very very good friend who is a muslim? So we again come down to the basic fact that we so racist that we don’t even want to make friends who are not of our religious beliefs and we say whites are racist????? Wow !!
(I want to make a point that my friend was just putting forth an argument and he did not anyway justify it and isnt racist at all). And again we Indians are so proud to be racist.

And what about when people get killed cause they dont follow your political or social ideology. Isnt that racism? Every other day people get killed for not following an ideology and we let out political leaders flaunt them. And yet we blame whites as being racist.

Now I know a lot of you will say well we cannot change others. Hence what can we do. But is there really nothing we can do? Like Gandhiji said, “We need to be the change we wish to see in the world”. I dont want to be a part of the world where people discrimate each other cause every discrimanation is racism. I know there is not much we can do, but that does not mean there is nothing we can do. I remember I took a stand 4 years back that I don’t interview or hire anyone who writes their religion or caste in their resume. For me it was simple if that was your identity, I don’t want to hire you cause I want people to rise above that. Cause such beliefs give rise to racism. This is something we have been following for a long time irrespective of how good the candidate is. In my company we truly believe in being equality. We celebrate every festival and we only let people’s religion come out to enjoy food. Part of our induction states that in the 9 hours people are in the office they will not discrimate against anyone cause of their colour, race, religion, sexual preference, etc. Our ethos says “While at least in the company premises treat everyone AS JUST ANOTHER HUMAN BEING AND THAT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH”. Maybe this is nothing and will bring in no change to the world but at least in those 9 hours I am saying “Hey stop being racist while you with me” with the hope that the rest of the 13 hours too would make everyone feel the same way.

I say no to racism in any form…Do you?

Am I modern?

Yesterday I had a very weird experience – There is this person who sent me a friend request on facebook. Now generally I avoid adding people I dont know unless there is a common link. Now this gentleman had a common link and I felt why not. Of course half hour later i regretted my decision when I realised he did not know the boundaries of an online acquaintaince and deleted and blocked him off (but then thats another story), but there was a comment he made, which got me thinking. After a couple of minutes of converstation he asked me do I go to a disco. My answer was yes of course and he replied – “Strange cause from the clothes you wear in your pictures one cannot make out you are so modern”. I replied that I wasnt aware that discos had an uniform, but it got me wondering,  what makes someone modern?

I don’t smoke as I believe its bad for health- so does that mean I am not modern? I rarely drink and there is no reason for it except its my choice – So am I conservative? When I wear a sari or any indian dress does that make me regressive? Or when am out in a disco wearing a short skirt dancing with my friends – Is that the only time I am modern? I wonder. So to be modern, irresepective of my figure I need to flaunt what i have and don’t have or else I am “not in”. One of my favourite relations in the world always used to introduce me to his friends saying oh she is very dated – why cause I dont drink and smoke? Even then I wondered had I smoked would I have been more today? (Please note this comment was made more in jest as my relative is very modern)

I always believed I was modern. Cause being modern for me is in the head. Like my good friend Prashant Khurana says being sexy is in your brain and not in your body, for me same went for being modern. I am modern cause I dont believe that rules are different for me and different for others. When I lost my dad 10 years ago I did my best to try and get Ma married off again cause I felt she was too young to be alone. When I failed to convince her, I was the one who got her out to have a life of her own. I was the one who got her inducted in my friend circle so she could be friends with my group as well. I am modern cause I treat my mother like a woman and not the way many of my friends / relatives/ acquaintances treat their mothers. Moms for them are meant to be at home a la nirupa roy. I am modern cause for me she is a human being and I treat her that way.

I am today’s woman cause I get bugged when someone tells me I am so great in looking after my mom after my dad, something traditionally a son is expected to do. I am modern cause I dont think its great. If I can ask for equality I shouldn’t expect people to praise me for something I am supposed to do.

 I am modern cause I am liberal. I don’t believe my truth is the only truth in the world. I believe another viewpoint can exist, of course disagreeing with them is my prerogative. I dont believe cause I am straight I cannot have gay friends. I am so proud of each and every of my gay friend and am proud to tell people yes they are gay and they are my friends and I love them for who they are. (please if i hurt any friend am sorry but I have had such shocking expressions from some people who heard I have friends who are gay that I had to say it here). And I am modern enough to say that I can accept anyone as gay (except the man I marry and that’s for obvious reasons). If tomorrow I have kids and they are gay, so be it. I will openly accept it. I am modern cause i preach and practice that I treat every human as equals – i dont care what colour, caste, gender, sexual preference, religious order they follow (when i say equal i mean equal to your capability 🙂

I am modern cause I know that clothes doesn’t make a person but the person makes the clothes. I am modern cause I am equally comfortable in a sari as I am in modern clothes. I am modern cause I choose what I wear according to the occassion and do not depend on what the world wants me to wear.

I am today’s woman cause I don’t need to smoke and kill my body to show how smart I am. I am today’s woman cause I don’t need to get drunk to prove I am “in”. I am today’s woman cause I don’t get up and say treat me special cause I am a girl. I am today’s woman cause I believe that I can , have and will make it in the corporate world, not cause I am woman but cause i am able. I am modern cause I dont believe I need to prove I am modern for every person who questions my being so. I am modern cause I can blend equally with the past and the future.

I am modern cause I dont believe society is more important than the individual and his wishes. Hence on the death anniversary of my dad I don’t mourn his death but celebrate the life he led and throw a party just like he would have wanted us to remember him always – Full of life and having his rum and throwing parties 🙂

I am who I am. Modern for some and regressive for othes….which sliver you see of me will depend on you 🙂