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Parenting…#7

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My parents

My parents

‪#‎AIBRoast‬ – How you were forced to watch something you did not want…

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An open letter to Arvind Kejriwal and AAP

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The last letter….a short story

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My phone had gone dead…..

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Parenting…#6

My parents

My parents

This is my 6th article on things I learnt from my parents. Things, which today, as an adult I realise, is so much responsible, for me being, what I am.

Once I remember coming home from school, being very upset. I had a fight with a friend of mine in school and felt I had no friends in this world (you know as a teenager you feel such crap). My dad saw me and asked me what happened. Now I rarely used to open up about such issues, but that day I did. After venting out my emotions, my dad asked me a simple question “Are you friends with yourself ? Do you love yourself ?” Now of course, in those days when there was no “Secret by Rhonda Byrne”, and such concepts were alien to all of us. I, of course, assumed, that my dad had lost it, and said No. So my dad said “So if you cannot be friends with yourself, if you cannot love yourself, why do you expect someone else to? Do you want your friends to love, what you cannot love?” Now honestly, at that age it made no sense and I was quite upset with him for not understanding my predicament. He then gave me an exercise to do, which at that moment seemed like such a burden. He said “Why not from today, try being your own friend first? Why not write down daily, one reason, why you should love yourself?” By now, I was quite sure my dad was the most insensitive man on earth, who had no idea, how to deal with life and the many problems it had to offer. Anyway, for that moment, the story ended there and my life moved on, and of course I did nothing of that sort.

But then, as I grew up, I was one day in college and was very down about something. Both my parents were in Singapore then and I did not know what to do, and I suddenly remembered his advice. So that day, I took out my diary and wrote down for the first time, one thing I loved about myself and the feeling was exhilarating. I never felt happier in my life. Somehow, I had no idea that I was so great, till I started telling myself . From, that day, started a love affair with myself, which continues till date, and must say the strongest affair, I ever had .

Today, when I come across many friends, who seem to break down and all lost, cause they do not have a man/woman in their life, I realise the value of his words. I have been alone many a times, but never been lonely. I have had my heart broken, but I never felt unloved. Till date, I remain my biggest fan.

So today, when you feel alone, when you feel no one loves you, when you feel time is running out, and you need to settle down with the next “available” person you meet – why not do what my dad taught me? Start a love affair with yourself, and I assure you, never again will you feel the need to be sad again.

My earlier posts on Parenting http://worldasisee.com/parenting-5/

I am sad .. :P

I am Sad

My sad eyes apparently

I am sad – Yes. I have deep hidden emotions, scars, – which I hide with my smile. My smile carries a deep pain ,which I hide with my laughter. My eyes don’t sparkle cause they happy, but apparently cause they hiding the tears.

Now before you get carried away, please stop. These are not my words. That is what someone announced to me last evening. And as you must have guessed by now, as always it was a man (Wonder why I keep meeting such men?). So let’s rewind, shall we to what happened?

So I meet this man online through a debate. He seemed quite nice at that moment. Anyway as my luck would have it, few days after talking (exactly 3 days), he decided to tell me that he could see the pain in my eyes. So here is how the conversation went (am trying to write it verbatim) :

He : Hi, how are you?

Me : Fine, thank you, you?

He : Good. I was going through your pictures. You are pretty

Me : Thank you (added a big grin. Now no matter how shallow it is, I love it when people compliment my looks)

He : But I could see your sadness in it

Me : Ha? Sadness? Where? Why? How?

He : Yes.Though you smile a lot, I could feel that you hiding tears behind your smile.

Me : I was? But am not sad. Am quite happy. I am not “born happy“. Am as what one could called “Learnt happy“. In other words I learnt to be happy. So chill !! you got it wrong.

He : No I do not think so (mind it, he just knows me for 2 days or half hour to be exact as we chatted for 15 minutes on 2 days). Tell me what are you hiding?

Me : (Honestly, was hiding my urge to kick you where your mother never kissed. (Read : Bum), but I lied). Nothing. Unless you think that George Clooney dating another girl is making me sad. In which case, yes I am hiding (sic)

He : Do not lie. I read your blog too. I know you are using humour to block off your pain.Do not hide from me. I am there for you. You can share your pain with me.

Me : Ok. Since you insisted, I am telling you. I met this man a few days back. He  is right now bugging me a lot. I hardly know him, but he claims to know me more than myself. He wants me to manufacture pain, just so he can wipe my tears. Currently am very sad, cause technology has not evolved so much that I can wring his neck, through my laptop 😀

He : (Took a few minutes to understand, I guess cause he responded after a good 7 minutes gap) Hey I was just trying to help. Stop being rude. You know you are not exactly as great as you think yourself to be ^&@#$%

Me : You want to help? Why not wring your own neck? I swear it will make me happy 🙂

Am not sure what happened post this, cause he went offline and since then he blocked me (I know I should have blocked him before he did, but then my motor actions have always been slow).

But since he is gone, I have a happy smile on my face, maybe cause am imagining, he has done something to make me happy – You know wrung his own neck? 

So finally, I have found my happiness. On that note, time you go find yours. You have one life to live, no use being sad. Shit will happen. What you do with the shit is upto you 🙂

The mango theft – A short story

The mango theft - A short story

The mango theft - A short story

This is part of the game we playing in this group in FB called ladies club (https://www.facebook.com/groups/goupy/)- we do a lot of fun things there and currently we playing this game called write a short story using 10 words.

This was the second set of 10 words given to write the short story today- home ooh lala intense, detective, mango, jasmine nor’wester, old, , animal, sleepy
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was a warm Sunday afternoon. I was at home lazing around listening to the “ooh la la” song from Dirty Picture when suddenly, I hear a knock on the door. I go open it and there stood a short bald man with the most intense blue eyes I have ever seen. He looked at me and said “ Ms Guha I presume?”. I replied in the affirmative.
“May I come in? I am Detective Rastapopoulos. I have come to investigate the theft of a mango from your neighbour’s garden.”

“A what?”

“A mango madam. A very expensive mango, I must say. Your neighbour had got the seeds from Timbuktoo and planted it here. The mango has the ability to turn old people young again, by twenty years. And last evening a thief stole his mango. And I am here to investigate the same. And I want to ask you some questions. May I?”

A mango which turned old people young? And I never knew my neighbour had such a tree?

I was about to tell him no, but somehow my mouth opened and the word which came out was “Yes” and before I knew it, he had pushed me away and had come in and started his questioning.

“So madam, at precisely 5 PM last evening, where were you?”

“I was at home. There was a nor’wester predicted and I did not go out. But why that precise time?”

“Cause our investigation proves the mango was stolen at exactly 5 PM”

“And how do you know that?”

“Cause the tree had a clock madam, which records the time, moment someone climbs it, to pluck a mango”

A tree which has a clock, and a mango which turns people young? I wondered what I would hear next.

“So madam do you have an alibi?”

“No I do not”.

“So what were you doing at that time, madam?”

“I was sleeping Detective Rastapopoulos. I was tired and fell asleep. Sadly I was alone then”

“Did you dream in your sleep, Madam?”

I was seriously getting irritated by then but still answered “Yes”

“No issues madam. Then we can get your alibi” and saying that he pulled out a strange looking animal from the pocket of his coat. The animal had a blue coat, yellow eyes, ears which were in the shape of a hand and smelt of jasmine flowers. He waved the animal in front of me clockwise, and suddenly I felt sleepy and before I knew I fell on the chair, and started dreaming. Suddenly I get a shake and it is Detective Rastapopoulos waking me up. I asked him what happened and he said “Nothing madam. We just went into your sleep last evening and checked what time you dreamt and realized you were telling the truth. You were dreaming last evening at 5 PM. I have no further questions to ask you madam. You are not the thief”. With those words, he suddenly turned and left, before I could ask him anything further.

I was sitting on the chair still reeling under the effects of what I heard – a mango which turns you younger by twenty years, a tree which records the time you pluck a fruit off it, and a strange animal which can tell you what time you had your dream. I was still dizzy when the bell rang again.

Irritated as I was thinking the detective was back again, I went to open the door again. And there stood a young girl and she was like “Sorry, I forgot to take the keys and so had to ring the bell. But what took you so long?”. I had no idea what she was saying cause I had never seen her before, but yet she looked strangely familiar. She looked at me strangely and said “Now why you standing at the door blocking my way? Do you expect your mother to stand all day at the door?”. And that is when it hit me, the woman in front of me was my mom – EXCEPT SHE WAS 20 YEARS YOUNGER.

Heads I win, tails you loose…

Team Anna

Jan Lokpal


Team Anna is back again. Just when I thought that there they realised the follies of their ways, back they come again screaming murder. But before I move ahead, let me first state a few things.

1. No MP’s or MLA’s irrespective of which party they belonged to, wants the LokPal bill
2. The LokPal bill will not curb corruption. Good governance will. Lokpal might at maximum (subject to finding an entire team of honest Lokpal officers) be able to catch corruption, but then as we all know punishment is hardly a deterrent for ill-doings. Besides prevention is always better than cure.
3. We need to first decide do we want the Lokpal to curb high-ticket or low-ticket corruption, cause expecting it to do all, will only mean they can do neither. If you expect the baby to run, when the baby is just born you obviously are in for some heartburns
4. To think that CBI is corrupt only cause it has Government interference is simplifying the issue. Every institution in India today has corruption and CBI is no exception. Tomorrow if they free of Government interference, they might still be used by the power of money or any other form of coercion.
5. If the Lokpal Bill does not come, BJP will be winner as it will be a poll issue for them
6. The sense of the house contained 3 items – inclusion of lower bureaucracy, a citizen’s charter and a uniform lokayukta in all states along with having a strong lokpal bill
7. The Government has already passed the citizen’s charter bill (albeit separate but that is different), included the lower bureaucracy and a uniform lokpal clause for all states in the lokpal bill. BJP and TMC opposed the last clause.
8. The last Anna movement was a dismal failure to say the least
9.The Government never ever had the numbers to pass the bill and if the bill did not pass to blame the Government alone is being blind
10. The Government handled the entire show like a fresher instead of a seasoned political party and what even if the Bill did not pass, could have been a brownie point situation for them, turned into the opposite. It was like they scored a goal but sadly in their own goal post

Keeping the idea in mind, let us hear what is Team Anna saying :

Statement 1a. Government failed us. They lied cause they did not keep its promise of sense of the house.
Statement 1b : BJP did not fail us.

Fact : Now if facts are to be placed the sense of the house resolution was actually adopted by the Government, wheras BJP and TMC went against it. But hold a gun to their head, Team Anna will refuse to accept it.

Statement 2a. Government bill was bad – let it not pass.
Statement 2b : At least had the bill passed, we would have had a starting point for discussion.

Fact : If team Anna felt that the bill was so bad, and specially with no Lokayukta clause in it, how would passing of the bill become any good?

Statement 3. The onus of passing the bill lies on the Government

Fact: The Government never had the majority in the Rajya Sabha was well known, so to say that Government could have passed the bill was a blatant misrepresentation of facts. The Government could not have passed any bill which is controversial. Hence it was the onus on the entire parliament to pass the bill.

Statement 4 : Government ensure the Mumbai campaign failed by jamming mobile networks and not allowing autos to come here.

Fact : The only network in Mumbai which did not work on one day was the Airtel one and that too cause the Airtel office had caught fire. Now to imagine the Government would resort to arson to stop the campaign was hilarious. The campaign details were running on the net, on tv channels and every other mobile network. And autos in Mumbai? – Well unless one has never been to Mumbai, one would know that even if God came down and asked, autos in Mumbai will refuse to go to certain destinations, and the venue of the movement was one such destination

Combined with the above and the bizarre reaction by Anna when he got up and left cause he was asked a question against BJP, does go to show one thing – that no matter what the Government would do, Anna team would find fault with them while giving a clean chit to the others. It’s like the game we used to play when we were kids and try and fool the other by saying “Heads I win, tails you loose“…but then now it’s not a game

Again, I have no issues even if the Anna campaign is a BJP campaign. My issue lies with the fact that I am being lied to. If Anna team comes up in the open and says that yes we doing it against the Congress, and they have a right to, I would respect them. But they would not.

In the end, one must always remember corruption is not just about money. Lying and being despotic about power is equal corruption.. Team Anna did a great job bringing the topic of corruption to the forefront but it is time they realised, that people in India are fed up of all forms of corruption – Be it by the Government or Team Anna.

An open letter to Anna Hazare

Jan Lokpal Bill

The Anna Hazare Campaign

Dear Anna,

Tomorrow, when you are about to start another fast, I write to you today as a common Indian citizen who is maybe more disgusted with the corruption plaguing the country than many others. Having personally seen corruption in police, legal system, et al in the last 1 year, my delusion with the country had reached its peak and I had considered what I never thought I would consider – to migrate out of this country. But then you came along and with you brought a hope of change. I was super excited and the first time that you campaigned I did all I could to support you – from the missed calls, to the sms and the email forwards. And after years I had hope for my country – A hope for a better India. But then it ended there, and today I write this letter to tell you why.

I will first start by telling you how I find you and the politicians are so similar:

1. All politicians irrespective of how minor they are change, once they taste power. Your team is no different

The first time you campaigned, the idea was a strong Lokpal Bill and was not just JanLokPal Bill. But the next time around your campaign changed. From the underdog, common man telling the politicians that they should start give us a strong Lokpal Bill and take steps to curb corruption, your stand changed completely to saying give us only Jan Lokpal Bill. Leave alone the fact that the Jan LokPal Bill was equally flawed as the Government version, the entire campaign was a complete U-turn from the earlier one, when you wanted the Government to bring a strong LokPal Bill. Suddenly it seemed that your team was talking with the same tone, we were used to hearing politicians talk – a tone which said we have the power and we will do what we want to, come what may. It seemed only you knew what was good for the country and even the likes of Aruna Roy and all knew nothing. It was as if only your team knew what was good for the country while the rest of the equally diligent civil society members knew nothing. That was the first time I realised that when one tastes power, everyone changes.

2. All politicians love to be the judge, jury and executioner of judgement of their own misdemeanors. Your team behaves identically like them.
A few days back there was a huge hue and cry of most of your members. There was a hue and cry about Arvind Kejriwal, Kiran Bedi, Prashant Bhushan and there was talks that you will change your team. So you guys decided to meet and judge the situation and take a decision. It was quite funny watching your team of so-called guilty individuals gather together (minus you) and proclaim themselves innocent and take the decision that they would continue as your core committee members. Actually the only members who were present for that meeting were the actual offenders. Somehow reminded me of politicians (read ministers), when charged with crimes who come up and say they will not leave their posts and would form a team who will report to them and tell them that they are innocent or guilty.

3. The third thing is your paranoia like the ruling party.
The ruling party is of the opinion that anyone who stands with Anna is a part of RSS/ BJP, while you are of the opinion that anyone who dares call your team corrupt is a part of Congress sponsored campaign. While both are right according to me in their limited view, the fact is it is a complete wrong assumption to assume that your so called huge support is only cause of BJP/ RSS support and every dissenting voice against you is Congress sponsored. It seems both parties seems to have an extreme myopic view of any criticism leveled against them and seem to think they can make no mistakes.

So tell me if the teacher behaves the same way as the so called errant students, how are you having the moral high ground to tell the politicians anything?

My second problem is the hypocrisy your team displays at all levels and the dual standards you expect you should display and our politicians should display

1. Let’s start with the fact that you were ready to sue Manish Tiwari cause he called you names, but you at every stage jump the gun, and call everyone the ruling party names. You keep calling them thieves, weak, etc. I have no love lost for any politician of this country, including the Congress, but I am of the firm opinion that you cannot preach, what you cannot follow at least in your public life. Tell me Anna, how are different from them? Have you shown me that your standards of conduct are better than theirs?

2. The second hypocrisy I find is when you have dual standards for the way you judge your team and the way you judge the politicians. A judge recently ordered an inquiry against your core team member Kiran Bedi. You and your team have immediately called it a Congress ploy casting aspersion of course on the judge. But when a judge just agreed to allow someone to present a case against Chidambaram, you and your team immediately declared him guilty and wanted him behind bars ? Why Anna? Why this double standard? What is good for the gander should be the goose? Then why this dual standards for two teams?

3. The third hypocrisy is when you refuse to see the corruption in your team. Kiran Bedi has herself admitted to stealing. Even if I assume or even believe 100% that it was the Government which leaked the news, the fact is she herself admitted to the theft and hence irrespective of how the whistle blew, the story remains is that a wrong act happened. And please do not tell me that a Robin Hood act makes the theft any less of a crime. Robin Hood was a hero of the 13th century but in 21st century sensibilities have changed and such acts are considered a crime today. During our freedom movement, killing Britishers was a heroic act of independence, but today such an act would lead someone to call that person a terrorist, and by the same standards Kiran Bedi is wrong. So then how does your team hold the moral high ground to call politicians thieves? Not that they are not (or most are not) but what gives you the authority to call them one?

Anna, when you show that you do not enact a single thing you tell the politicians to follow, why should I trust you?

Thirdly Anna, and the biggest reason why I have no faith in you, is you like politicians are leading us on to believe you want to cure corruption, and which is far from the truth, and I will tell you why I believe you do not care.

1. Anna, in Hisar campaign you proudly gloated that cause of you Congress lost (It’s a different matter that Congress would have lost there and you used it as a political opportunism but nevertheless). So Anna, why do you want the Jan Lokpal Bill? Is it not to curb corruption? Or am I mistaken and there is a different agenda to your movement? Cause when you gloated that your team was the reason why Congress lost, you forgot to tell the world that you are the reason why the most corrupt candidate won. In other words, you have no interest in curbing corruption, just like every politician.

2. Anna, though I do believe that even if you are a BJP/ RSS sponsored campaign it does not taint your campaign, but the fact you led me on to believe that your campaign is apolitical, whereas its clearly only a anti-Congress campaign, makes me realise you and your team are no better than the bunch of politicians we have. Anna, I know you will tell that it is all a lie. But then let me ask you a simple question. You want a strong Lokpal Bill, and of course that includes a Lokpal in every state. Tell me Anna, why did you not come to Karnataka by-election and campaign against the BJP? The BJP here wants to remove the Lokpal, has made every effort to put in tainted officials in Lokpal after Justice Hedge retired, have even had the gaul to call Justice Hegde’s report trash (He is the only team member in your team whom I sincerely respect), and yet not a word from you. Neither a word from you when Gujarat does not have Lokayukta head for over 7 years? So Anna, am I to believe that this anti corruption movement and Jan Lokpal is just a farce for you? And you only care to malign the Congress. I have no issues with you doing that, but to lead me on to believe otherwise is a criminal offence.

Anna, the politicians robbed us of our money, of justice and basic belief that we matter. But none of the politicians, including our Raja and Kalmadi could rob me of my faith and optimism that tomorrow there would be a better India. That someday, someone will come along who will really be honest and think of us citizens first. But you Anna, have robbed me of that last faith too. So I beg of you Anna, do not continue your agitation. Am ready to live with the fact that we have corruption, but not ready to live with the fact that there is no hope

Anna I do know that if you ever read this letter you will say that I am being paid by Congress cause like them, you cannot bear criticisms. You seem to live in this euphoria of the media generated circus that you are invincible and like the politicians, you too believe you own the country. Sadly you do not. And next time you tell in your interviews that 1.2 billion Indians are behind you, would appreciate you say, 1.2 billion – 1 Indian is behind you, cause I am not.

With best wishes

Priyashmita

PS : And if you can believe then do believe I am no Congress fan or for that matter fan of any politician.

I am (not) Anna….

Jan LokPal bill

Anna hazare campaign

All of you have shown shocked indignation at my sudden turnaround this time around for the Anna Hazare Campaign. Many of you have even wondered have I finally lost it (many feel it’s coming for a long time), and many have wondered have I suddenly started supporting corruption? The answer to all is a NO. Yes, the last time around I vehemently supported the movement and did my bit for it, but this time around something has changed.

So what has changed? Let me first start with the fact that yes, today corruption is one of the biggest problems plaguing the nation and its a problem which needs to be solved immediately. But I have issues with the solution suggested.

So let me first start with solution suggested. The proposed Jan Lokpal Bill has the following suggestions

1. An all powerful body will be created who is non-political and is a power unto itself. The Lokpal can investigate anyone, can tap phones, can issue rogue letters to anyone. But it cannot prosecute or can (confused as two interviews of Kejriwal said two diametric opposite things)

2. If the LokPal turns rogue anyone can go to Supreme court and complain and try and get them removed. Complaints against Lokpal staff will be handled by independent boards set-up in each state, composed of retired bureaucrats, judges, and civil society members

The premise behind this Jan Lokpal Bill is that all our politicians are corrupt, all our bureaucrats are corrupt, all our judiciary is corrupt. Hence the need for such a public outcry, and such drastic measures.

So if the first premise is true (and it is mostly true), let me ask who is this so non-corruptible and non-corrupt person available with us who can shoulder such a massive responsibility, as to head the same? And what makes us so sure that having such absolute powers will not corrupt them? There is no answer.

Now the argument put forward is that for the first time, we as an ordinary citizen can go to the supreme court and complain and get a corrupt Lokayukta person removed. Now from what I recall our 60 year old democracy has given us a similar right to remove people at least in the political circus and that is far easier than going to a court.. And they in turn can remove the corrupt officials too. Now, if we have so far not shown any kind of inclination to remove the key corrupt politicians in a far easier format, what makes us think that suddenly we will care to go to a Supreme Court to exercise our right? And even if we want to, has anyone ever entered a court? Entering a court is one of the most horrendous experience one can go through, so to expect a citizen to exercise that right is foolhardy.

Now let us go the the practicality of the situation. Today we are complaining that our work does not get done till we pay a bribe and this should stop. And it is most honest statement ever. Let us imagine a situation where you need an address proof. Sadly none of the current mechanisms are good enough to get you the same without any fuss. What do you do? Find someone and pay him a bribe and get the work done, cause end of the day that proof is needed. So who will go and complain in this case? You, cause your work got done. or the person who took the bribe? Answer is neither. So how does Lokpal curb this corruption?

So what will happen once this LokPal bill comes? It says we will arrest, prosecute and put the corrupt behind bars. So what does our corrupt do behind bars? Simple, it colludes with the police, bribes them and enjoys a life of luxury behind the prison gates. And who will complain then against that corruption? The police? Or the man behind the bars? Neither. So how do you handle corruption here? If the response is the Lokayukta can take suo moto action, well then so can the courts. And if courts can go corrupt so can Lokayukta.

Now, let us go to the biggest part of this Lokpal. Apparently it cannot prosecute anyone but can only investigate. Now if the assumption is all our bodies from Judiciary to Parliament are are all corrupt, just how will this LokPal at all help us cause all it has it is investigative powers and prosecuting bodies can always set them free. Is this entire fight just to create a body of impeccable detectives? (Now this point I am confused about as just heard another interview of Kejriwal in Loksabha TV where he said lokpal can prosecute whereas in NDTV he claimed the opposite). Now if it is that the Lokpal can prosecute the solution is even better. The Lokpal can prosecute the judiciary and the judiciary can prosecute the Lokpal – A CLASSIC CASE OF YOU SCRATCH MY BACK AND I WILL SCRATCH YOURS OR YOU MESS WITH ME AND I WILL THEN MESS WITH YOU

When the Anna Hazare campaign started last time around, the campaign was against corruption – a cause many of us support (different case in point that most who support it are themselves corrupt to the core) but this time around the campaign has moved to bringing only Jan LokPal bill. It’s like asking people to unite against terrorism (a cause I assure you, will draw much larger crowds than what we see now), and then say the only solution is to pass the draconian Pota Law, and this is what people have gathered for. Sadly this is how the entire concept is being hijacked and the reason why this time I have refused to support the movement.

There are other reasons also why I am against the movement this time. The earlier time the movement was to debate the Jan LokPal bill. Sadly this time around, maybe cause they have tasted blood (seeing the crowd support), they have changed their tune and it is now only his bill which is the right bill. As much as I agree that the Government bill is a complete useless one, the fact is there are other views also coming into the picture which can be debated and discussed. But the Anna team refuses. This clearly shows an attitude of arrogance and dictatorship, something which is against our basic constitution. Besides it can set a dangerous precedent as many have pointed out and tomorrow someone can come out on the street and ask for anything citing this movement as an example. I know many will argue that we the citizen’s are smart and won’t support a wrong cause, but the fact that we are not is amply proved by the fact that we still could not vote out one corrupt politician.

So is this entire movement unjustified? Answer is NO.. We are thankful to Anna Hazare for bringing this debate to our coffee table and ensuring the Government does pay heed to the woes of the common citizen. Without this movement it would take another 50 years before such a bill was even discussed (though the RTI bill is a case in point that civil society can push such bills without a mass movement, but nevertheless). But now it’s time to get off the high horse and actually try and solve the problem. Let the movement be such that we have more accountability and better systems in place so that taking bribe becomes an impossibility. Punishment is certainly no deterrent to corruption and will not save us. Prevention will. So let us all unite this time to come up with a solution which prevents corruption, and not just punishes once the act is done.

Online shopping with money back…am loving it :) (http://www.cazbak.in/)

Now you must be wondering why am I suddenly writing about a shopping portal.

Well so let me first tell you a little about myself. Unlike most women in this world, retail therapy has the opposite impact on me. I somehow cannot stand shopping. Invariably after every shopping experience, am found to be in a ugly mood. My leg pains cause of standing, I cannot stand crowds and I hate with all my being the idea of being in a line to make payments (or for that matter anything). The thought just makes me cringe. I still remember as a kid, going shopping during Durga Puja was like a major fight at home and I had to be bribed to be taken out, to buy things FOR ME :). The trend still continues and whenever ma feels I need to go shopping, for a change of wardrobe or for that matter anything, its a world war three at home. Every shopping experience, ends up in a fight, by the time I am home cause instead of a 1 hour shopping spree, we spend 5 hours. (Thank god I had extremely fashionable parents and hence they could always buy the latest trends for me without me tagging along with them, for the shopping expeditions)…Anyway I digress…So where was I? Yes the idea of shopping online has always held a special place in my heart for this very reason and Cazbak seems to fit into my scheme of “shopping without shopping” as I call it, very well 🙂

The other awesome part of this site is it actually returns quite a bit of my funds, which it earns from the transactions, I make. Now who would not want to earn money back? I mean I love the idea that I spend 1000 rupees and in the end I get back 200 Rupees. Its like whooopppeee !!! Now let me tell you why the idea of cash back appeals to me. Its mental therapy. When I was in sales, a client had once told me, “If you give me 2 apples at one one rupee, the idea does not appeal to me. But if you give me 1 apple at one rupee and 1 free the idea does”. So if someone gave me 200 rupees discount, it would not appeal to me as much, as the idea that someone is actually refunding me the money back :). And unlike other portals, it actually does refund the money back to me as hard cash which makes this site super duper to be honest.

Oh and if you think, that it will only have some small number of items in its store, think again. It is linked to every known shopping brand of India. So if you want to go to Shoppers Stop or go diamond shopping, you will find your merchandise here. If you want to pay your bills or renew your insurance, you will find it here. So no stepping out to do such yuk work anymore.

For the first time someone has accepted, that it pays to be lazy :)…and I am loving it…

So all of you go experience this fun thing at Cazbak (AND PLEASE REMEMBER TO PAY ME SOME PARTS OF YOUR EARNING, CAUSE AFTER ALL ITS ME WHO INTRODUCED YOU TO THIS WORLD OF Cazbak 🙂

PS: INTERNATIONAL BUYERS CAN USE CAZBAK.COM

ঢেউয়ের আগে দেখতে যদি (MY FIRST BENGALI POEM)

ঢেউয়ের

ঢেউয়ের আগে দেখতে যদি

ঢেউয়ের আগে দেখতে যদি, জানতে আমার স্বপ্ন সবি
কান-টি পেতে শুনতে যদি, জানতে আমার কথা সবি
জেদ টুকু যদি ছাড়তে তুমি, জানলা খুলে আসতো হাওয়া
স্বভাব যদি ছাড়তে তুমি জানতে আমার সকল আশা I

ভরসা যদি থাকত তোমার, দু পা চলতে সাথে আমার
আমার রঙে খেলতে যদি, মাততে সব রঙে আমার
জেতার নেশা থাকত যদি, নতুন স্বপ্ন দেখতে আবার
আবার করে জন্ম নিয়ে, চলতে তুমি সাথে আমার I

Drawing : Courtesy Me (copied from someone though)

The storming of the “Red Bastion” – The Bengal Green Revolution

Storming of the Red Bastion

The Green Revolution of Bengal

As of yesterday the Bengal I knew is gone. Having been born in a “Left” Bengal and having heard horror stories of ’71 and all it is scary. Besides if Mamata handles Bengal the way she handles the railways and with the left openly threatening a “tit for tat” by doing a nandigram and singur type agitation, if TMC takes land for industries, guess doomsday is not far away. But then Left winning would have also spelt equal doom for West Bengal.

So what went wrong with Bengal’s Left? Firstly if anyone feels it was just Singur or Nandigram they are sadly wrong. Singur and Nandigram was just the final nails in the coffin or the fire that the opposition needed to get the Left out. The seething anger against Left had been brewing and these two incidents just lit the fire in a state which was already fueled up. Just in itself it would not have had the impact it did.

Secondly, why did Left fail? I think one of the first things where left went wrong is to making every a party member. In a state where everyone is a party member how can the state ever progress? Every institution was politicised. I remember during University when a Professor was brought in, who all knew had no credentials but was there cause he was a political appointee. Since everyone had a political patronage being mediocre or worse, was ok with all, cause end of the day the party was behind them to take care of them. This was the first mistake that Bengal did, which slowly ensured it moved to being a “dead” city as many call it today.

The politicising of the state had another fallout. Everyone became a party cadre and with the numbers rising, the party lost all control over them. The party cadres ruled supreme and by the time the party realised that most of them went rogue, it had become too big a system for them to clean up.

Another problem that I have seen with Left in its current avataar is its inability to listen to criticism or any voice of dissidence. The left used to pride itself in being party above individuals. No matter what the differences were, when they came out of the politburo, all spoke the same language. Sadly that slowly transpired into a situation where any voice of dissidence was either met with a banishment from the party if it was a party member, and if it was the general public it was met with a complete disdain for such voices and at times even attacks. I happen to have witnessed this of late quite a bit at least in the virtual world. The so-called Left supporters/members/empathisers would on hearing any word of dissent against them would either criticize, attack or block them off. I can just imagine the same happening in offline world too.What it culminated into was firstly alienation of the common people who felt Left was a bunch egoists who cared two hoots about people and secondly the party commanders being unaware to a certain extent of the level of frustration that people had. (I refuse to believe that they had no clue as am sure like all they too saw the news channels)

Left in Bengal had the undisputed run for over 34 years. Now firstly 34 years is enough time to let corruption seethe in any system and left was no exception. What made matters worse for Left, was that unlike other parties it had no one to blame its faults to. It could not even say that we did not get enough time to rectify our mistakes like many political outfits say. Left sadly had only itself to blame for non-deliveries which included industrialisation among others. Sadly when Buddhadeb Bhattarcharya took over and emerged as the “Brand Buddha” for West Bengal, he tried correcting all these follies but unfottunately by then the corruption was so deep rooted that it was too late to correct, at least while in power.

Of course, one can also blame Yechury and Karat for their complete lack of acumen when it came to understanding national politics and its various tugs, but that was an internal matter for the Left.

So then you may ask, why am I dreading a Green Bengal when the Red Bengal had so many faults? Well for the primary reason, is TMC so far has not given me a reason to trust them. Railways has become a personal property to distribute wealth in the name of jobs to Mamata’s many followers and I dread to imagine what would happen if the State too is reduced to that. Secondly Mamata’s move to power is based on the same Left flawed Ideologies which has left the State in this condition. Thirdly TMC shows the same trend of making everyone TMC with everyone joining the “Poriborton” bandwagon. Fourthly with the Left openly threatening to do a “Singur” and “Nandigram” to Mamata, can only make me wonder what will happen, even if TMC ever plans to improve the State.

The “Storming of the Red Bastion” has happened but like the “Storming of Bastille” was followed by a period of mayhem and murder, will this too have the same outcome, only time will tell. For the moment, we can only hope and pray that Bengal does see the “poriborton” or change it so eagerly voted for. And Left can now hopefully stop blocking off people’s voices and listen to them when they say “we want you to change”

My artwork

Two months back – 13th February 2011 to be exact I started a new hobby which was to draw. I had never touched a brush in my life and was always pathetic at anything artistic. I keep picking up such hobbies from time to time but usually leave it after a few days. This time might continue AS I ACTUALLY ENDED UP SELLING ONE!!!!!!!!!! I know sounds incredible but such is life 🙂

Oh and even my awesome masterpiece paintings have copyright…so be careful before stealing them. Someday they will be worth billions 😛

Flowers in bloom

The floral collection

Mask and the man

The Mask

The woman and child

The hidden woman

Hibiscus flower

The hibiscus

Man and Woman

The tribal couple

World war 3….

Semi final match between India and Pakistan

World Cup Semi Final 2011

So today is world war 3 – at least for India and Pakistan. It’s like everyone’s life depended on this game. Companies have given off. Year ending filings have all been postponed to tomorrow. Basically life has come to a standstill till the results are declared. The team which wins today will be considered God, and the team which loses will be called traitors – Forget the logic that one team has to loose today, no matter what, but for the losing country they will be traitors. Had it been the olden days, we would have made the losers sit on a donkey with their faces smeared with black soot and thrown them out of the county……..THANKFULLY SUCH THINGS CANNOT BE DONE TODAY. Anyway such is the illogical madness of a India-Pakistan World Cup Semi-FInal Match.

But my topic is not about that madness. It’s about the pressure on me, to ensure India wins.. It so happens that I come from a crazy family. Apparently during the ’83 World Cup I slept through most of the match or at least the first innings. Not surprising as I was hardly a few years old and I could not make out head or tail of what the madness at home was all about. I did realise something major had happened when I was taken out in the middle of the night and we were all dancing and singing on the road and bursting crackers like it was Diwali. Anyway I digress. So it so happened that I slept and India won the first ever World Cup. From then on my dad made it mandatory for me to sleep during an important match. It seemed India was not winning cause it had any ability, but any victory was credited to my sleeping during the first innings of the match. I did ask my dad, can’t the India team pay me money to sleep cause after all its all cause of me, but then he said it would then amount to match-fixing. Hence the answer was no :).

This madness was not just limited to cricket. I come from Calcutta where Football is another craze and world war 3 erupts everytime, there is an East Bengal and Mohun Bagan match. I remember as a kid, we used to stay in a locality where we were the only East Bengal supporters. Of course it so happened that during those days, most times East Bengal won. Anyway my duty was before the match I had to go knocking at every house and tell them they will loose, and after we won, I had to again go knocking at every door and call them losers. Oh and then I had to go hang a huge “Hilsa” Fish and the East Bengal flag from our window, just to rub salt in their wounds. Of course if the reverse happened all those families would call me moment I am out, and tell me the same thing. It did not matter that I was maybe a 2 year old and they were all 30 year olds and above, but yet the rivalry was on. Such was the juvenile madness. To make matters worse I had to wear the same red and yellow dress for 3 years, even though I had outgrown it ages back, cause that was the dress I wore when once East Bengal won by 6 goals. It did not matter that I was stifling in it, I had to wear it. I had to sit on the same spot and not move, even to go the restroom, cause Mohan Bagan had once given a goal when I had got up from my fixed place for 2 mins. Like I said, madness ruled supreme. Now Hilsa fish is a sign of East Bengal and Prawns were for Mohan Bagan. On the day of the match prawns were not allowed even in the vicinity of home. Once I went somewhere and by mistake had just one tiny piece of prawn and sadly Mohan Bagan won that day. My dad called me a traitor and all, till ma got up and literally threatened to divorce him if he tortured a 3 year old with such nonsense. But such was the madness at home.

Now forward to 2011. My dad is no longer there, but am sure wherever in heaven he is, he is torturing people up there with similar madness to ensure India wins. And back here on earth, the tradition of my torture continues, even though Baba is not there. My partner has already warned me if I do not sleep during the match and God forbid something bad happens, we can forget our partnership and all. He will not even talk to me again. Friendship and business be damned. And of course so is India’s ability.

So here I go to sleep in a short while from now. Just remember if India wins, its cause I slept. Of course if they loose, its cause of their inability.

On that note, cheers to India. For God’s sake win the match.

My mom….and Facebook…. :)

Ma and her first time experience using Facebook

Ma and her first time experience using Facebook

A few days back I opened a Facebook account for ma. She was wanting to know what is that is so special about it. Now, following is what happened post that (Names of person have been changed to X and Y and the likes to maintain secrecy):

Day 1

Me : So how was your first day on Facebook?

Ma : Good but I had a question?

Me : What?

Ma: Isn’t X and her husband staying with each other anymore?

Me : Of course she is. Why would you get such a stupid idea?

Ma : Oh then why was she telling her husband what she should tell him in the realms of her bedroom, in the public space for all of us to see?

Me : Cause that is the new age love ma.

Ma : So the new age love means discussing your bedroom secrets in public?

Me : Yes ma…

Ma : Oh !!!

Day 2

Me : So how was your second day with Facebook?

Ma : I want to delete Y from my profile. He is a sadist and not my friend.

Me : Ha !! What did he do?

Ma : I wrote today on my wall “I am not feeling well” and he went and liked that comment. I thought he was a friend, but he is a sadist and no friend of mine.

Me : No ma. He is. Liking, is the Facebook language which interpreted in your language, means he does not like you having fever.

Ma : Ha ??

Me : Leave it. It does not make sense to me either.

Ma : Oh !!!

Day 3

Ma : What kind of a friend of yours is Z?

Me : Why?

Ma : He sent me a heart which had some romantic message on it, today. I did not know how to react, so I deleted it, but he needs to know he cannot send me such things. He is old enough to be my son?

Me : LOL. Ma he was not sending you his love. He was playing a game

Ma: A game?

Me : Ya. If you had accepted the heart you would have moved one step closer to solving a jigsaw puzzle. Currently I own 115 hearts and on level 16.

Ma : Oh !!!!

Day 4

Ma : Who is this A? Does he have no manners?

Me : He is a friend of Cousin B. What did he do?

Ma : He has no manners. He does not know me and even if he did, does he not know he should not go poking ladies? Today when I logged in, I saw an alert that A has poked me. Had he been in front of me, I would have whacked him. Rude, insolent urchin.

Me : Ma !!! He was just saying Hi to you…

Ma : Hi to me? By poking me?

Me : Yes ma, that’s the Facebook language of Hi.

Ma : Oh !!!!!

Day 5

Ma : I have new follower today for my blog, a Mr J who uses “Networked Blogs”

Me : Congratulations !!

Ma : He said he liked my blog and is following it and has asked me to follow him back in his blog

Me : So do so.

Ma : But isn’t it the norm to follow blogs when you like them and plan to keep reading them?

Me : Yes, so?

Ma : No, just that his blog is in Spanish, and mine is in Bengali? So……

Me : Oh !!!!!

Day 6

Me : Ma, why have you written in your FaceBook wall that you are going to the loo?

Ma : Well I was seeing everyone updating their every move every minute. And after you told me everything is today’s Facebook way of life, I thought I had to update every minute of my life there. And today I did nothing which I could update about, so when I went to the loo, I thought let me update that? Why? What happened?

Me : Ma !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 7

Me : So how has been your experience so far in Facebook?

Ma : Well I learnt that whatever I have learnt so far in my little over of 50 years of life is all trash.

Me : Meaning?

Ma : Well for starters I learnt that it’s ok to go poking ladies you have never ever met and its considered fine. I learnt it’s ok to talk about your bedroom details in public or wash your dirty linen in full view of others, and its not considered crass. You can be a sadist and enjoy your friend’s misery and you are still considered a friend. We were taught as kids never to talk to strangers but here we can merrily add strangers as friends and never knowing who they really are. The phrase “You scratch my back and I scratch yours” has now changed to “You follow my blog and I will follow yours”. Must say in 7 days I never learnt so much as I learnt via Facebook.

Me : So you continuing?

Ma : Hell No. I am 50+. I don’t think I can handle so much of unlearning at this age. I will go delete my profile tomorrow.

Needless to say, contrary to all her misgivings, its been nearly a month and ma is merrily continuing on Facebook. having learnt all the Facebook language and nuances, and I suspect quite enjoying the ride. Guess end of the day, that is the pull of Facebook….

PS : This is part fiction and part reality

Parenting….#5

My Parents

My Parents

In my series of things I learnt from my parents this is another incident.

I was brought up in a family which was not really very religious. We never had any room for God or any idol of God anywhere in the home. I rarely saw my parents pray and even if they did it was in the privacy of their rooms and not something which others were privy to. However I studied in a convent school like both my parents. Now in a convent school prayers and God play a very essential role. So as a kid, I was not sure what I was supposed to do. Pray or not pray. My parents of course never told me not to do anything, and the firm rule till I was in school was “Your school and teachers are above all, including them, and always right. So do what they say“. So obviously prayers and all were something I did get used to. But this was an incident which happened way before, I actually became influenced into prayers by school (Ideally that happened to all of us when we turned 8 when we started going to the school assembly)

One day, I remember coming home from school, when I was about 7 years old, and I asked my parents “Does God give you things if You pray to Him and does not if you don’t? So that is when my parents introduced me for the first time the concept of God prayers and said this “We do not know if God always answers your prayers if you pray to Him. But we do know one thing, if you are good and always do the right thing, God will grant you what you want, and if you don’t no matter how much you pray, God will never listen. So the best prayer to God is always be a good human being first and then God will always listen to you”

That day I learnt the true meaning of praying to God and loving God – something, which when I see the world today fighting over religion, wish they had learnt too

I wish I could write….

Some of the writings of blogs I admired

A tribute to some other bloggers

I wish I could write…then I would make you all laugh and roll on the floor like Sulekha did when she wrote about Chastity Garters and Miracle Bras……….but I cannot

I wish I could write…then I would show the world how priceless my every gift is like Sukanya did when she wrote Gifted…..but I cannot

If wish I could write…then I would give a beautiful homage to my fellow bloggers like Kriti did when she wrote Blog Trotting…but I cannot

I wish I could write…then I would move everyone to tears with this ode to a friend, the way Joslyne moves me to tears with this piece The Healing Blanket…but I cannot

I wish I could write….then I would make my everyday look like a laugh riot like Ron who brings a smile to my face even when I am sad, with his writings, like when he wrote this piece How was your week?…but I cannot

I wish I could write…then I would leave a haunting memory with my every piece like Rimly did when she wrote Chance Encounter….but I cannot

I wish I could write…then I would write about love as easily as Alpana wrote when she spoke about Love…but I cannot

I wish I could write…then I would make lyrics with my words like Vani did when she wrote Choo Gaya….but I cannot

I wish I could write…..then I would write poetry so fluid like Ma did when she wrote Ekhono meye chotto aachish.….but I cannot

Hence I ramble on with my words and write what I can…..hoping some day THAT EVEN I CAN WRITE

(PS : Am unable to include two pieces here as they do not have a blog – An awesome piece by my friend Rumpa on Delhi which had me in splits, and a very inspiring professional piece by Swati. Hope someday I can get them to have a blog of their own too)

The story of the cheating spouse….

Nemesis and the broken heart

Nemesis and the broken heart

A few days back I was having a chat with a very close friend of mine about love and betrayal. She was telling me about a close friend of hers who was recently going through a messy break-up with her husband cheating on her with her best friend. She was telling me about how her friend is going through a major crisis and low self-esteem cause of this, and how was she repeatedly asking herself, “where did i go wrong?”. What made matters worse was the in-laws going around and telling everyone that the fault lay with the girl, as she could not hold her husband back (I always wonder about these statements made, but that is a story for another day).

Hearing the entire story, I somehow was left complete confused. Here is the way I saw the problem :

The girl had a husband who turned out to be a cheater and a piece of work and who never loved her
The girl had in-laws who turned out to be the worst kind of in-laws any girl can ask for.

She lost them

The guy had a wife who loved him, dearly enough to cry even now, knowing what a piece of work he is

He lost her

So, can someone explain how the girl was the loser? As far as I see, she came out of the clutches of some of the worst people, she could ever be with and a life with a husband who did not love her, and the husband came out losing the woman who loved him to death. As far as I see isn’t it the man who is the loser and should be asking himself “why me?”, and not the other way round.

And, as far as the friend was concerned, I see it this way, she loves her friend a lot and so took away all her pain for herself, since now she has to live with this piece of shit….and trust me, if a man cheats once, he will cheat again, and imagine living with such a person for the rest of your life.

Correct me, if am wrong, but can there be any greater nemesis than this?

(PS: My theory would have been the same had it been a wife cheating on the husband)

Conversations with my Ma…# 3

Ma and me

Ma and me

This is my third post on my ongoing series of conversations with my mom…

Now I have this firm belief that parents should always praise their kids, in front of outsiders, even if its blatant lies. Now Ma has no such intentions as for her honesty comes above all. Fine enough but she takes this love of telling people about me to another level altogether. Tell her anything under the sun and Ma can relate it back to me and how useless I am at home. Its like an “Association game”. Say anything and Ma can start her complaints about me :). You don’t believe. Sample these….

Conversation 1 :

Guest : You have a lovely home

Ma : Thank You

Guest : It must be quite a effort you put in to keep it so lovely

Ma : Of course, wish my daughter also appreciated the effort and helped me in keeping the home clean. But she takes exactly 10 minutes to dirty everything, after she is back from office.

Me : Ma??????????????

Ma : What? Am I lying????

END OF CONVERSATION

Conversation 2 :

Guest : How do you spend your days here in Bangalore, now that you have shifted from Calcutta?

Ma : Oh I read,I write, I have friends whom I meet from time to time, I go out and then managing this home also takes a lot of my time

Guest : I can see that. Your house is so clean. It must be a major task keeping it so spic and span and must keep you quite busy.

Ma : Thank you so much. And yes it is. And my daughter ensures that I have no free time all day, lest I get bored. You see I will clean everything and she will take exactly 10 minutes to dirty everything ensuring I have to repeat the entire task again. Thanks to her I can never ever feel bored

Me : Ma??????????????

Ma : What? I am praising you and saying how you are always so thoughtful

END OF CONVERSATION

Conversation 3 :

Guest : Hey tell me something, I just saw all the lovely brass items and the crystals. How long does it take to clean them?

Ma : Oh I spend at least an hour and a half cleaning them daily and then I polish them weekly too. Takes quite a bit of time. Of Course it takes my lovely daughter less than 10 minutes to dirty them again

Me : Ma??????????????

Ma : What? Nowadays it takes you lesser time is it?

END OF CONVERSATION

My home

My home


PS : This is a picture of a part of my home. Between You and me, I do know the efforts taken to keep it this lovely

Conversations with my Ma…# 2

Ma and me

Ma and me

This is the second posting on the ongoing series of conversations with my Mom.

Now usually if am travelling out of my city, I prefer staying in hotels. Being a house-guest is something I preferably avoid as its too much work – you know I have to be on my best behaviour and all? Anyway, there are times when either cause I have been invited or cause if I do not stay with someone it becomes a sticky issue (This is India, and such things play a huge role). Anyway if I ever have to stay as a house-guest, ma goes through those anxiety pangs where she feels if her daughter stays somewhere, the truth of how useless her daughter is will come out (somehow I am unable to convince her that no one expects me to be useful around the house at all, and if they still invite me its at their own risk :P). Anyway, so before any trip Ma usually runs the following do’s and don’ts with me, just before I am leaving. Following is the sample of such a conversation…

Ma : You will be staying with people, so please do not let them realise that you are a slob.

Me : Yes ma, but you know that they do know it, right?

Ma : (ignoring my statement as always) So do you promise to make your own bed every morning before you get out of the rooom?

Me : Yes ma – Check !!

Ma : Will you ensure that after food, you clean your own dishes and try and help them cleaning their’s too?

Me : Yes ma – Check !!

Ma : And please keep your clothes neat and clean and not lying around the room.

Me : Yes ma – Check !!

Me : And do you promise to help people in the kitchen when you are at home and not order people around?

Me : Yes Ma – Check !!

Ma : SO THAT MEANS YOU CAN DO EVERYTHING AROUND THE HOUSE BUT YOU WON’T IN YOUR OWN HOME. WHY? CAUSE YOU HAVE AN UNPAID SERVANT AT HOME CALLED YOUR MOTHER?

Me : D-u-h..d-u-h…ahhh….Ma I am going to miss the flight!!! Bye Ma. See you soon Ma..

AND SCOOT !!!!

END OF CONVERSATION

Conversations with my Ma…# 1

Ma and Me

Ma and Me

Along with my ongoing series about “Parenting” and things I learnt from my parents, starting today I am going ahead with a series on things I do not like about my parents… :).

Now I am perfect is an accepted fact. But then there are certain things I do not like to do. Please note the catchphrase here is “do not like to do” and not “that I cannot do” (hello am perfect and I can do everything). So one of those things which I do not like to do is cleaning my room. Ma on the other hand (and so was Baba), loves everything perfect. It’s like even at 4 am she wants the home to look like some guest will enter any minute. Nevertheless its a regular fight between us. So one day, I come home and Ma is livid at me. Here is a sample of the conversation we had :

Me : Are you upset? (I know she is cause her face is stern and she is not talking to me)

Ma: Yes

Me: Why?

Ma: Am I your maidservant? And that too an unpaid one?

Me: Is that a question which demands an answer from me? (somehow I know whatever I say, it will land me in trouble)

Ma: (Completely ignoring my question) Do you know, I work the entire day to keep this home spic and span and how long does it take for you to dirty everything? Go to your room and see. Everyday I clean this house and you come back and in 10 minutes you manage to make the entire home look like a shit-hole (Read: entire room is just my bedroom where no one ever enters and God knows how it would matter if it is in a mess)

Me : OK…so you cleaned it up. So why you angry?

Ma: Well I thought I potty-trained you when you were two. I was not aware that even at this age I had to go clean the shit my daughter makes. Hence I am angry…

END OF CONVERSATION…

Starting a new Series called “Conversations with Ma/Baba”

My Parents

My Parents

Now some of you guys have reading my posts got this weird idea that my parents are like awesome and you know how lucky I am that they are my parents. Now let’s first set the record straight. Their biggest achievement till date has been that they had me as their daughter – a perfect embodiment of everything sugar and spice and everything nice 🙂
(This is of course withstanding the fact that my dad was awfully talented whose artwork is still admired, whose english was so good that even lawyers would come to him to make him draft their letters, he could paint, he could draw, was an awesome cook, etc and my ma is a fantastic cook to the extent that she can make her own recipes and anyone who eats her food tells her to open restaurants, she can write poems which has got even published, she is a super duper interior decorator and has been called by people to decorate their homes, etc)

So starting today I will start a new series, which will go alongside my “Parenting” series as to how mean and horrible my parents are called “Conversations with Ma” and “Conversations with Baba” and how they basically its me who makes them great…. 😛

Karva Chauth for George Clooney

George Clooney

George Clooney

This entire Valentine’s day everyone asked me what was I doing for George Clooney. Now I was tired of telling all that for 4 years after what I did for Mr Clooney its time he did something for me.

So all will ask me what have I done for him? Well do you know I have done Karva Chauth for him for 4 years now? (For all people who do not know what Karva Chauth is, its a fast Indian women do for their husbands or would be husbands for their well being. They go without food and water an entire day and break their fast after seeing the moon)

Now of course since its ME doing Karva Chauth, there has to be a slight twist to it, right? So this is the way I do it. SINCE HE IN THE USA I DO IT DURING US TIME ZONES …so post dinner i eat nothing and drink nothing..till next day breakfast..YOU GUYS HAVE NO CLUE HOW TOUGH IT IS…oooooofffffff…IT IS SUPER DUPER ARDUOUS JOB…helloooo did I hear someone say this is no Karva Chauth? Dear if our BPO firms can call up people in USA and say “Good morning” in the middle of our night, or call their dinner as lunch in keeping in tandem with US time zones, then why can I not do Karva Chauth in US time zones? Pray tell me why? You cannot cause what I am doing is completely right 😛

Of Course I know there are still some of you complete disbelievers who will want to run me down and say where is the moon for me to break my fast? Well dear, for that I have Google to thank for. You want to see the moon in Hollywood and boom you get the moon. So before I break my night-long tough fast, all I do is go to Google and view the moon in Hollywood, and then his picture and take my first sip of water after a night long of no food and water….AND I AM DOING THIS RELIGIOUSLY FOR THE LAST 4 YEARS WITHOUT A BREAK 😛

NOW TELL ME IS THERE ANYONE WHO CAN CLAIM TO LOVE GEORGE CLOONEY MORE THAN ME OR WHO DESERVES HIM MORE THAN ME?

How to make him love you….

Happy Valentine's day

How to make a man fall in love with you

Now that Valentine’s day is round the corner, the entire world is busy trying to figure out how to get that special person to say yes to them. Of course the magazines and television channels are full of ideas of how to hook that perfect man for yourself. Now I had gone online to search for some valentine’s day ideas for gifts but type out valentine’s day and the only results which popped out are “10 way to make a man fall in love”, “90 minutes to fall in love”, “5 ways to attract him”, etc etc. Now honestly what hooked me was the 90 minute theory…I mean really 90 minutes? Intrigued I opened the post and thereon got hooked to all the posts. So here is a synopsis on what I read and of course my take on it (you expected a synopsis without that?)….

Rule 1 : Cross his path Unexpectedly – Now according to theory, a man loves seeing a woman when he is not expecting it. So try and meet him at unexpected places, when he is least expecting you. Drop in at the cafe he visits every Tuesday, or the bar he goes every Friday, or the bowling alley he goes to every Sunday. Now of course, you will want to know how do I know when he does all this? Simple – Just stalk him. Now even if this does not land you the man, it sure can land you a restraining order and a prison sentence, but what the hell – what is love without such simple sacrifices of going to jail. Right?

Rule 2 : Repeat his name often while talking to him – So basically the more number of times you mention his name, in a sentence, more the chances of him flipping for you. For example if I meet George Clooney, this is what I will say to make him fall in love with me. “Hey George, would you George, like to have a cup of coffee with me George, or maybe George we could have dinner instead, or George is there something else you would want to do George?… What George? ..You don’t want to George?… But why George? …Oh cause I am calling your name George so many times George? But George in that magazine, George. they said more times I mention your name George, more the chances of you falling in love with me…Oh George but all I did was follow the rules George…Oh George don’t leave me George..I am not mad George…..“………….And by then sadly George is gone and chances are will never see you again

Rule 3: Whisper things in his ears– Now according to the magazine, a man gets turned on and attracted to you if you whisper things which will turn him on. The magazines go on to give examples of things you can say and one of them is “Let’s go somewhere right now, cause after 12 I turn into a vixen”. Now according to the English Dictionary, a vixen means either a fox or a woman who is quarrelsome, shrewish and generally malicious. So basically you are trying to tell the man that if he takes you somewhere he might just end up with a lady who will start fighting with him in the middle of the night, tear his hair out and generally scare the living daylights out of him. So chances are once you use this line on a man and the man has any knowledge of English he would run for his life. But then so what? You can keep trying till you find a man who does not know the language…

Rule 4: Be like him – This rule was one of the funniest I read more so for the example it gave. This was one of the exact sentences given there “Mirror neurons respond to sounds as well, so experiment with matching your cadence and tone to his. For example, if he speaks faster than you do, accelerate your tempo a bit”. Basically what its trying to tell you is say your man has a south Indian accent you imitate him and start speaking with that accent, or if he has a loud voice you start screaming with him when you out, or if he has an itch which he is scratching well you start scratching yourself too right in front of him. Now the little I understand of men I assume they will feel highly turned off and insulted if you copy them so, but then who am I to compete with such high level scientists who have expounded this theory (Yes, all these theories have bee arrives at after paying a fortune to some scientists who spend their lifetime experimenting with such things to help you land that perfect man). So go ahead and try this. What is the worst that might happen? He might leave you and never see you again? Well so what? Try till you meet a dumb-ass who will actually like this?

Rule 5 : Be yourself – Now this is the best rule of all. After you go through all the points where they have taught you that the only a way a man can love is by becoming dumb, putting on loads of make up which make you believe beauty lies in the outside, by pretending to be someone else, they finally come up with the bummer punchline – BE YOURSELF. And remember this is always the last rule they write. Its like the “terms and conditions” you read in a contest which is written in the fine print, which is always exactly the opposite of what the contest advertises. So basically after you have read all the rules and finally decided that yes you will against all your better senses become a conniving, pretentious witch , they tell you that DO NOT FOLLOW OUR RULES. At this stage you have just one thing left to do…GET UP AND SCREAM AND CHANCES ARE THAT YOU WILL DO

So here is what I say – If you need rules to make a man fall in love with you, you are actually fooling yourself if you believe, that the man will actually fall in love with you, or remain in love with you. I mean if you actually need a book, to tell you how to make a man love you, lady,you have taken the fun of falling in love and made it into a business transaction. SO REMEMBER THIS MOST IMPORTANT RULE, THIS VALENTINE’S DAY. DON’T FOLLOW ANY RULE. If the man is dumb enough NOT to fall in love with you, as you are, minus these strategies, you don’t need that man. So cut the rules, and enjoy falling in love just the way is was meant to be – PURE AND UNADULTERATED AND ABSOLUTE FUN…

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY TO ALL…

Parenting….#4

My parents

My parents

In my series of things I learnt from my parents this is another incident.

The one thing about parents is that its not something they teach you when you were a kid, they often teach you things even when you are an adult, maybe not so much as telling you things, but through their actions. One such incident happened with me some time back with my mother.

Very rarely in my adult life has it happened that my parents have not approved a decision of mine, but some years back I took a decision which my mother felt was a very tough road I chose for myself. She was of the opinion, that being so arduous, it was best avoided as being a concerned mother she did not want me to adopt a life which was hard. Of course in my home, we always voice opinions but not necessarily impose ourselves on someone. However in this case her opinion was so strong that it was quite a surprise. Anyway I still decided to adopt the path I took, as I felt that was the right thing to do. But I did not try and change her mind, as I felt she was right in her views as a concerned parent.

Life carried on, and we both avoided discussing this topic knowing how strongly we both felt about it. As predicted the journey I took was tough, but never did I tell anything to anyone. But over a period of time, I suddenly found her warming upto my decision and opening upto it. There was no reason which had prompted that, as the road I was trudging on was still quite the difficult one. So seeing this change I spoke to a very close friend of mine, who was the only one privy to the difficulties I faced in the path I took, and ma’s reservations. He was also very close to my mom, and so I asked him one day as to why ma suddenly changed her stance and was he an influencing factor. He said he had no role to play, but he would definitely speak to ma and try and gauge why she changed her stance.

After speaking to my mom, my friend came and told me what ma said and this is what she told him. “I know the path my daughter has chosen is tough. I know she will never complain, and I feel its a wrong choice cause its a path which would have a lot of tough obstacles on the way. But I also know, that that is what she wants and what will make her happy, and she will not change her mind cause its against her principles. The least I can do for her as her mother is support her, and try and make the journey a little less difficult. When she comes home, I don’t want her to think she has another battle to fight, in trying to convince her mother. If I am proven right, and my fears of the path being unbearable is true, its going to be the cost of my daughter’s happiness and I would rather I be proven wrong. That’s why I thought let me support her and pray she is right. And if God-forbid she is wrong, at least she won’t have a mother who will tell her ‘I told you so’ but would rather be with her and say its ok, we can surpass this. I want her to know that I am there, even if she is wrong not to judge her but to support her”.

Since I have moved to Bangalore, I have seen parents of my friends for whom their ego surpasses all barriers. They would force their decisions on their kids in the name of ego, past sacrifices done for their kids, how they know best or even society. And if by some miracle the kid, still manages to take a decision against his /her parents, and god forbid he/she fails, the instant reaction of parents is “I told you so” not once realising that their victory was at the cost of the kid’s happiness. That day I realised how lucky I was to have my parents, for whom my happiness was much more important than them coming right

That day I again realised how lucky I am to have my parents. They are not God but they are just what God meant them to be – Parents

My earlier posts on Parenting https://worldasisee.wordpress.com/2011/02/11/parenting-3/

Parenting…#3

My parents

My parents

This is my third article on parenting. This was an incident which happened with me when I was in College. At that point I felt it was funny and my dad was cool. But today when I see many of my friends and associates having a strange relationship with their parents where the parents do not know what the kids do, who they meet, or the fact that kids drink and smoke to glory but at home pretend to be all saintly, I realise what I had got from my parents. A trust which is so rare today among parents and kids. Both my parents had a rule for me that there should be nothing they hear about me from someone else, and today I realise the worth of that trust. This incident was one of the few examples of the trust my parents always had in me, and touch-wood always will.

Well you know how it is in India..a boy and a girl are seen out together and immediately tongues start wagging….now i had a lot of male friends in college…there was no other choice as there were 45 boys and 5 girls in each specialisation..anyway nevertheless fact is i had loads of male friends…and of course when i bunked classes i used to go out with them…

Now one day a neighbour saw me with a male friend in a crowded mall area…and promptly in the evening when he saw my dad he went and told him..”today i saw your daugher in this area…SHE WAS WITH A BOY” (with a lot of emphasis on the boy part). So my dad looked at him and shook his hands and said and this is quote unquote my dad “Thank you so much for telling me this. I was always worried my daughter has become invisible and people cannot see her. Thanks for telling me she can be seen. Next time when you see her go and say Hi. That way you will clear one more myth I have that my daughter can even talk when she is outside?”….

LOL…you should have seen the look on the neighbour’s face…never again did he try and tell my dad anything about me again 🙂

That day this incident seemed funny to me but today when I look back I realise what amount of trust and faith and liberty was given to me, something now nearly a decade after college I still find lacking in parents of many of my friends.

New Year Resolutions

Its that time of the year again – the time everyone is busy coming up with new year resolutions which in 48 hours we manage to break and most often, even forget. Now I have always hated this concept, for many reasons and hence from this year decided not to make any more new year resolutions.

Now first and most importantly the reason I hate this concept of “new year resolutions” is cause resolutions essentially say that how will you improve yourself. Now how do I improve someone as perfect as me is beyond me. I mean seriously can anyone find fault with me (people who can are hereby banned from viewing this piece any further), then how do I improve perfection? So if I cannot improve perfection how do I make a resolution which speaks to that effect?

Secondly resolutions are rarely dependent on me working it out and many a times cause of others I fail in keeping my resolutions and I hate failing. For example for the last 3-4 years I am making a resolution to get married. Now I am ready but what am I to do if no man is dumb enough to marry me? Is it my fault that God did not make a man so dumb that he would say yes to me? And I am blamed for not keeping my resolution? What crap !!!!

Another reason why I just hate this idea of new year resolution is cause I can never understand why I have to wait for 365 days to decide to improve my life. I mean if I knew in April I am fat, why do I need to wait till December 31 to make a resolution to get slimmer? Is it cause, God forbid I become slim before that time, what will I resolve to do next year and just to have a new year resolution I refuse to get slimmer earlier? The other option of course is I can resolve to become fatter cause sadly I have already become slim and then for the next year I can again have a resolution to become slim. If this idea does not sound preposterous and confusing, I am not sure what will.

So this year am making a change. I making new year resolutions but its for God. This year I resolve that God has to make me super duper rich, make all my problems disappear and also get me George Clooney so I can marry him. And I hope keeping in tradition, God does not break these new year resolutions 🙂

On that note wish everyone a happy new year !!!

Bandhs (Strikes) is your birthright and you shall have it !!

Bandhs and strikes in West Bengal

Bandhs and strikes in West Bengal

Do you enjoy being lazy?
Do you like long extended weekends every other day?
Do you like holidays for no reason every month?
Do you want your work life balance to be tilted less towards work?
Would you rather spend at home doing no work and earning salary?
Would you rather spend your weekday playing gully cricket than working?
Would you like at least 12 extra holidays a year and to be extended upto 36 or more?

IF THE ANSWER TO THE ABOVE IS YES….WE HAVE MADE THE PERFECT STATE FOR YOU…come to West Bengal and settle here.

Our offer

# At least one bandh a month
# When bandhs are not possible we will have a “rasta roko”(road blockade) preventing you from going to work
# Sometimes when above options have been over-utilised in a month and you still want one more holiday, we give you the option of transport strike (This option works great as most Calcuttans use public transport)
# You need not worry about a change in government will change anything. Both the ruling party and the opposition have unanimously agreed to continue this trend for a long time, irrespective of who is in power and who is in opposition
# If you want a special problem to be highlighted you can contact either the ruling party or the opposition and we promise any one party will call a bandh for you highlighting the same (And please do not think any problem is small. All we need is a cause. We can even call a bandh even cause your dog bit you)
# We always call bandhs on Friday or Monday, thus ensuring you can have a long weekend and go somewhere for a holiday
# AND OUR LAST PROMISE WHEN THERE IS NO CAUSE FOR A BANDH IN A MONTH, WE PROMISE TO CALL A BANDH TO PROTEST NO BANDHS

So what you waiting for? Pack your bags and move now and enjoy a life full of laziness !!!

Note : Offer valid for the next 100 years
If you like working and you are ambitious, please do not come here. We have no place for you

Not that I loved Cricket and IPL Less, but that I loved myself more

The scam they called IPLOn 26th of April the Governing council for IPL met to discuss the fate of the game and Mr Lalit Modi and they suspended him. The suspension was followed by a chargesheet giving Lalit Modi 15 days to answer. Following is an imaginary representation of that defence.

(Players – Shashank Manohar,Arun Jaitley, Inderjit Singh Bindra, BCCI treasurer M.P. Pandove, vice presidents Chirayu Amin, Rajeev Shukla, Board secretary N. Srinivasan, joint secretary Sanjay Jagdale, Jammu and Kashmir Cricket Association chief Farooq Abdullah, IPL vice-chairman Niranjan Shah and former India captains Ravi Shastri, Sunil Gavaskar and Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi
Hero cum villian – Lalit Modi
Absolutely absent gullible idiots – The general public)

Scene I : Lalit Modi meets the governing council (Scene opens with Mr Modi making an opening speech)

Lalit Modi : Friends, IPL governing council men, and my fellow scamsters ! hear me for my cause, and be silent, that you may hear: believe me for mine honour, and have respect to mine honour, that you may believe: censure me in your wisdom, and awake your senses, that you may the better judge.
If there be any in this meeting, any dear fan of Cricket and IPL, to him I say, that Modi’s love for Cricket and IPL was no less than his. If then that friend demand why I scammed and cheated the IPL, this is my answer:–
Not that I loved Cricket and IPL Less, but that I loved myself more. Had you rather IPL and cricket was kept clean and we die all poor, than that IPL was full of scams, to live all rich men?
As IPL made me rich, I weep for losing it;
as it combined my love for money and women, I rejoice at it;
as it it made me famous, I honour it:
but, as it was the biggest chance for me to steal without being caught, I robbed it.
There is tears for the fame we got;
joy for the fortune we made;
honour for our ingenuity of pulling it off;
and theft for the money it offerred.
Who is here so base that would be a honest man? If any, speak; for him have I offended.
Who is here so rude that would not be a ready scam, to get rich? If any, speak; for him have I offended.
Who is here so vile that will not love being wealthy? If any, speak; for him have I offended.
I pause for a reply.
.(Pauses for 2 minutes)

Shashank Manohar : Thank you Mr Modi. We completely agree with you that NONE HERE IS SO BASE OR RUDE OR VILE that they will not stoop to any levels to get rich. However we cannot take the blame for it, as you were the chairman and made maximum profits from it. Besides we need to show the world that we indicted you even if it was a sham. So please can you answer the showcause notice so we can get over with this sham?

Lalit Modi : Fair enough Mr Manohar. Let me start with your first accusation. Your one accusation reads “Breaching confidentiality clause by tweeting Kochis share-holding pattern”. Now let me refer to you my tweet ““I was told not to get into who owns Rendezvous, specially Sunanda Pushkar. Why””. So tell me where was I wrong in that? I know who owns all the other teams (cause 9 of the 10 teams are owned by me, 1 is owned by my fellow scamster Mr Srinivasan) Herein came a franchise and for the first time, I knew nothing about. I genuinely wanted to ask who owns the franchise and hence tweeted about the shareholders’ details that I did have, so someone could tell me about the rest?. Tell me what was wrong with it? It was after all an innocent query to know who dared owned a team, without us?

Ravi Shastri : I think he has a point. After all the rest are all know to us. And he only divulged the information so we all could know, who was so conniving as to steal our scamster’s wealth and make it their own?

Lalit Modi : Thank you Ravi. Your next accusation was “Arm-twisting successful bidder- Kochi, to withdraw” Now you guys have already agreed with me that none here is so vile as not to love being wealthy. You also know that 9 of the 10 franchises are owned by my family and friends. One is owned by Mr Srinvisan. In other words in every franchise we make money. So tell me, would you allow the advent of a franchise whose prosperity would not prosper us? Besides how can one Ms Sundanda Puskar get sweat equity when it is our sweat which is made the IPL such a huge money swindling machine? Was it her sweat which got this grand scheme in place? Then how could she get sweat equity when we 12 members have shed our sweat? So then was I wrong in trying to arm twist them to withdraw, so we could get a franchise where we could have stakes and earn money? If anyone here is so base to feel so, speak up now, or forever hold your silence

Inderjit Singh Bindra : I think he has a point. We shed our sweat and someone else took the sweat equity. We took the trouble of changing the BCCI rules so we could own IPL teams. Some of us unfortunately are not rich enough to own it with our own money, but then we could have been given sweat equity, couldn’t we? I think Lalit was right in arm twisting them to move out and sad that he failed. Lalit I support you in this

Lalit Modi: Thank you Mr Bindra. Now to your third allegation – “the unexplained 80 million USD facilitation fee about which BCCI was kept in the dark”. So let me explain the meaning of facilitation fee. Let me tell you, dictionary defines facilitation as “act of assisting or making easier the progress or improvement of something”. So as chairman of IPL it was my job to assist and make things easier for the people who wanted telecast rights? Now if I am going to work, should I not be paid for it? So I got paid 80 million USD. For God’s sake if Sunanda Pushkar can get sweat equity without even starting to shed sweat, can I not get fees for facilitating and genuinely helping someone?

Rajiv Shukla: I agree with you, but why did you keep BCCI in the dark?

Lalit Modi: In the dark? Now you guys have admitted that most of your accusations against me are based on media reports. So was this report not flashed last year? Then is it not baseless to say you were kept in the dark? After all the media did throw light on this?

Rajiv Shukla: Hmmmm…..you have a point there.

Lalit Modi: Your next accusation reads “Non-disclosure of interest and stake in RR, Kings XI & KKR”. Now you amended the BCCI rules to ensure we could have a direct stake in IPL. Hence Mr Srinivasan could divulge his interest. Did you give me any such consideration? Did you once think of me, and change the rules so it was legal to have an indirect stake in IPL too? You did not. Yet you expect me to inform you of my family’s and friend’s stakes? How could I?

Srinivasan: I tend to agree with him. We never gave him a platform so he could divulge the information. It’s not his fault that he could not under the circumstances.

Lalit Modi: You accused me of Misappropriation of funds in the 3 editions of IPL . Now I guess all of you will admit, that each one of us have become richer by a few million, in the last 3 years. Please can all of you tell me how were your pockets being filled for the last 3 years if there was no misappropriation of funds? Were you thinking that the funds filling your pockets, which was the reason why all of you kept quiet, was falling from heaven?

M.P. Pandove : Hmmmm. Well you should have made it more clearer.

Lalit Modi: Why Mr Pandove, would the governing council not have taken the money if it was more clearer?

M.P. Pandove: No, No !!! When did we say that? We would have not included the same in the accusation, that’s all

Lalit Modi: Fine Mr Pandove, then maybe we could strike this point and move to the next which is “Irregularities in awarding broadcast & internet rights” . Now can someone please tell me why did we create the IPL? Was it not to ensure we all make profits, while the government and innocent public are made fool of? And was it that not what we did? I awarded the same to people who gave the governing council profits and made each and everyone of us richer than we were before. I am lost. Was there any irregularity in ensuring that? I am shocked at this baseless allegation which says I committed irregularity in ensure we became rich. Did I by any chance award any rights to anyone who rightly deserved it, thus preventing us from getting wealthier?

Sanjay Jagdale: I think he is right. There were no irregularities. After all it was done to make us wealthy and we all have to accept he ensured that without any irregularity. He did nothing honest for us to claim he was irregular. We should drop this charge.

Lalit Modi: Thank you Mr Jagdale. Your next allegation reads Encouraging, attempting collusive bidding. I strongly refute this. Attempting?????????? Lalit Modi is not a failure that he will attempt collusive bidding. He will ensure it. I am not even going to demean myself by responding to this allegation and telling me am incapable of scams.

Niranjan Shah: Please Mr Modi forgive us for we know not what we said. We understand how hurt you must be that we assumed for a second that maybe you failed in your attempt to cheat. We are sorry. Please forgive us.

Lalit Modi: Its ok Mr Shah. But am heartbroken by this allegation. I don’t think I can continue any further. I would like to hand over the answers now in a 15000 page document.

Arun Jaitley: 15000 pages? What have you written there?

Lalit Modi: Well let me tell you it is not so much as my defence, but as facts gathered against each one of you, which I will duly reveal to all, if you decide to prosecute me. So its either me or neither of you.

Chirayu Amin : Hmmmm. This is serious Mr Modi. Do you mind giving us 5 mins to ponder?

Scene II :Governing council discusses how to handle Lalit Modi’s situation under the circumstances

Chirayu Amin : I suggest the following. We all know we cannot prosecute Mr Modi as we were all hand in glove with him. At the same time we need to continue a sham that we are. So I suggest that we take a long time to pretend to understand this document, and then refer it to the disciplinary committee and then that would take a few more months to decide. By then the gullible public will forget everything and we can reinstate him back. In the meantime he can enjoy a well earned holiday roaming the world. After all he worked very hard. Besides it will give him ample time to plan our next scam. If all in favour say “Aye”

Shashank Manohar,Arun Jaitley, Inderjit Singh Bindra,M.P. Pandove, Chirayu Amin, Rajeev Shukla, Board secretary N. Srinivasan, joint secretary Sanjay Jagdale, Niranjan Shah, Ravi Shastri, Sunil Gavaskar and Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi : : AYE !!!!

Scene III : Gullible India Public

Gullible India Public : Wow !! BCCI actually did something. They referred him to a disciplinary committee. Now we can expect justice

…………………………….. AND THE STORY NEVER ENDS  AS MANY HINDI MOVIES SAY “THE BEGINNING”

Angry Mother India writes to her children…

Mother India and its state of affairs

Mother India and its state of affairs

Dear Children (Since you call me motherland I guess I can call you children),

Firstly let me tell you that I am nowadays a little irritable, which is understandable at my age. I am thousands of years old. It’s been quite some time since I stopped counting and hence cannot tell you my exact age but it’s been a long time since I was born. Hence my patience level is obviously quite low. On top some of you guys have managed to really make me upset and hence this letter to a lot of you. Also excuse me if I cannot address each one of you by name. I know you my children and mothers should no know each of their kid by name, but having a 1.15 billion kids is no mean task. I am sure you guys will excuse me for that. If not try having 200 kids and remember each one by name. On second thought, leave it (You might just attempt it). So let me start with my letter and the reason for me writing to you guys.

Since we on the topic of billion kids, let me start with that. Tell me something, why do I have a billion kids? I understand children are great and I personally love them a lot. But can you imagine going to labour a billion times? Let me ask you women, can you do it? And you men, how does it matter to you? Just cause you men don’t have to bear the kids and just can enjoy fruits of your labour after birth, you guys don’t care do you? I assure you had this been your fatherland and not motherland you guys would have thought twice. No wonder Germany has not such a huge population cause the men realize the pains of giving birth. So if you guy don’t mind, and if you ladies can explain the pains of labour, can we please first control that. Am tired of giving birth to a baby every second, and honestly its making me more irritable, forget that the labour pain has made me go insane. So please can you control the same?

Now to another topic, which I am intrigued about, more than worried. Did we by any chance really invent the time machine? And for some reason it only goes backwards and not forwards? Else how can you explain that Mahabharata was more modern in terms of women’s lib than Ramayana? Or we abolished the caste system in 1960 but in 2010 you guys’ practice caste based politics. Or the fact that we became secular in 1950 but in 2010 we have politics based on religion. So tell me did we invent it? If so, great news, but can we please correct it so it moves forward to? It’s quite painful reliving history, especially the painful ones, which I thought we migrated from. Please can you check the same and correct it for God’s sake? And if you cannot, at least then stop using it and stay in the Present century and year. Will do you and me a world of good.

There is one more thing which bothers me a lot. Why are you so hell bent in cutting me into pieces? What if I get off and cut off your hand and say hand is more important? Or the leg is more important. Fact is every part of you is important from the hair to the toes. And if am not chopping them off, what makes you think you can chop me off? Next time you think of that, first ampute a part of your body and then let me know how you feel. If you like it, then let us discuss cutting me into pieces

I would like to address my next point to some specific kids of mine – Pramod Muthalik and his Ram Sena, and the moral brigades of India. Firstly sons, how much do you know me that you go defending the “bharatiya sanskriti” or the culture of India? Do you know the Kamasutra was a product of this country? Or have you ever seen the Khajuraho temple? Or did you know the kind of clothes women wore during the olden days, way way before you were born and when I too was much younger? Then what is this that you defending when you tell women what to wear, what not to do, etc? Besides did I ever tell you to defend my culture? If I did not, then why are you harassing them? Honestly speaking I would love to dress the way they do. But alas am old, and I have wrinkles, and hence cannot. But that does not mean my children cannot. So stop telling them what to do or I will have to instruct my children to tell you what to do and trust me you will not like it.

Also back to my other favourite kids – The Thakerays. Tell me something, Bal Thakeray, do you even know that your father was a migrant to Bombay from North India? So technically speaking, you are not a Maharashtrian. Then what gives you the right to beat up my kids from North and tell them they need to go. If I had my Maharashtrian kids throw your father out then, can you imagine what would have happened to you? Actually between you and me, I think I would have been a happier person. And Raj at least if you have branched out, think on your own? You are like the perfect parasite a family should always avoid.

Now back to the children of mine who hurt me the most – The Politicians. I am really not sure why some of you and your ancestors freed me from the British. Honestly speaking at least they hurt me less. They were after all my adopted children who never really accepted me as their motherland. So when they robbed me, it hurt. But you people are my flesh and blood. And to think you guys rob me everyday, and stash away my wealth in Swiss Banks. You do scams after scams, rob my people, divide people and all in the name of doing good. At least my foreign children, admitted they don’t love me. You do and still behave same, if not worse. Honestly all I see is the colour of my rulers have changed. Rest is still the same. Change before the people throw you out too, and throw out they will.

And finally a note to my beloved children – the ordinary citizens of my country. Just what will it take for you to love me, to care for me and to stop ill-treating me? Else how do you justify electing the morons you elect time after time? Or better still avoiding voting, expecting God to do a miracle and change the status of affairs? How do you justify that today we are considered one of the most corrupt nations and you guys complain that things are bad, but are instrumental in making it so? You guys give bribes and then wonder why people ask for them? Is this what makes you proud to be an Indian? Is this the country you or your forefathers freed from the British? I come to you today, to tell you my life and my reputation lies with you. I am angry and as my children can I expect you to do something to change my mood?

On that note, I wish each one of you the very best and hope you guys do something soon

A very angry and old Mother India

How many scams must the IPL have before they call for a ban…The answer my friend is blowing in the wind

The scam they called IPL

The scam they called IPL

On 26th of April the Governing council for IPL met to discuss the fate of the game and Mr Lalit Modi. Following is an imaginary representation of that meeting.

(Players – Shashank Manohar,Arun Jaitley, Inderjit Singh Bindra, BCCI treasurer M.P. Pandove, vice presidents Chirayu Amin, Rajeev Shukla, Board secretary N. Srinivasan, joint secretary Sanjay Jagdale, Jammu and Kashmir Cricket Association chief Farooq Abdullah, IPL vice-chairman Niranjan Shah and former India captains Ravi Shastri, Sunil Gavaskar and Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi
Absent Player but hero cum villian – Lalit Modi
Absolutely absent gullible idiots – The general public)

Scene I : 10 AM Governing Council Meeting (Scene opens with Mr Jaitley reading out the allegations against Mr Modi)

Arun Jaitley : Friends, IPL governing members and fellow scamsters, Lend me your ears. We have come here to bury Modi, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them,
The good is oft interred with their sacking,
So let it be with Modi …
The noble Mr Shashank Manohar Hath told you Modi was ambitious:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault, And grievously hath Modi answered it …
Here, under leave of Mr Manohar and the rest, (For Mr Manohar is an honourable man;
So are we all; all honourable men) Come I to speak in Mr Modi’s ouster…
He was our friend, faithful and just to all of us:
But we all say he was ambitious;
And we all are honourable men….
He hath brought many shady deals to IPL,
Whose ransoms did all our pockets fill:
Did this in Modi seem ambitious?
When that the bids could not be rigged, Modi hath wept:
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet all of you say he was ambitious;
And we all are honourable men.
You all did see that on the negotiation meetings
Sony presented him with a TV Channel
Which he did refuse(he just took a plane): was this ambition?
Yet we all say he was ambitious;
And, sure, we all are honourable men.
I speak not to disprove what we all spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love him once, not without cause (he made us rich):
What cause withholds you then to mourn for him?
O judgement! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And we have lost our biggest scamster…. Bear with me;
My heart is in the coffin there with Modi and all our money we will lose now,
And I must pause till it come back to me.
(Mourns for 2 minutes)

Shashank Manohar : Thank you Mr Jaitley for your impassioned speech. Indeed we must all mourn Mr Modi. Today is a very sad day for us. Without Mr Modi we have no clue how to pull such grand scams and cheat every regulating authority with such panache. It is a very sad day for us.

Inderjit Singh Bindra : But without Modi, how will we survive? Who will rig the bidding and get us kickbacks? Who? Who? Who? We have to get him back !!

Srinivasan : But we had to sack him. First we needed a fall guy, besides his family’s stake in two IPL’s were sheer conflict of interest. How could we allow that?

Ravi Shastri : DUH !!!! You Mr Srinivasan own the Chennai Super Kings, and that too directly?

Srinivasan : But that is exactly the point. I own it directly. For that I changed the rules of BCCI, which was completely illegal, so I can own the team directly. His mistake was he did NOT change any rules, and made his family own it, but WORSE IS THAT HIS COMBINED FAMILY STAKE IS MORE THAN MY PERSONAL STAKE IN IPL. Tell me. how can I let that happen? So he had to go !!

Ravi Shastri : Makes sense.

MAK Pataudi : But will not the question arise what was the governing council doing here for 3 years? Why did we not raise a stink even when last year the kickback scandal broke?

Rajeev Shukla : What kickback? Mr Pataudi they called it the Facilitation Fee last year. How will we know it was kickback? We thought it was a facilitation fee to facilitate the move. How would we know it was a kickback !!! I just don’t understand this. Last year they call it facilitation fee and this year they call it kickback and expect us to know? I refute this charges vehemently.

Sanjay Jagdale : Absolutely !!! We have no resonsibility. After all we are just the governing council. And what is the governing council supposed to do? Govern the IPL so all things go right? But nothing went right from day one, so technically speaking we cannot be blamed as they gave us everything wrong.

Niranjan Shah : I completely agree with Mr Jagdale. We were cheated. Whenever we asked they said everything was going right. Modi should have told us things were going wrong !! He lied to us, so how can anyone blame us? What do you say Mr Gavaskar. You have been awfully quiet?

Gavaskar : Blame him, sack him, keep him. How do I care? I will sulk and not talk. What was the use of being a governing council member when I could not get my only son Rohan Gavaskar purchased by any team? I hate IPL. I hate Lalit Modi. I want my son :((((((. After all its all about loving one’s son 🙂

M.P. Pandove : Cool down Mr Gavaskar. We all understand. Mr Modi got his step-son-in -law to benefit, and you could not auction your only son? Its unfair. Please Mr Gavaskar, please don’t cry. Am sure God above will understand and help you pull this scam next time.

Niranjan Shah : So basically we all agree. Modi must go. He brought us disrepute. We all agree that in spite of being in the governing council we could not steal nearly as much as Mr Modi. Mr Pataudi could not get his son to win a bid, Mr Gavaskar could not get his son auctioned, Mr Srinivasan could only own one team, and most of us hardly made any money from all the scams as compared to Modi. Besides if he does not go, he will tweet about us knowing everything and basically confirming what everyone knows and understands – The governing council is equally hand in glove with him and / or we are bunch of idiots sitting here who have no clue what work they should do. So he has to go. All in favour say aye.

Shashank Manohar,Arun Jaitley, Inderjit Singh Bindra,M.P. Pandove, Chirayu Amin, Rajeev Shukla, Board secretary N. Srinivasan, joint secretary Sanjay Jagdale, Niranjan Shah, Ravi Shastri, Sunil Gavaskar and Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi : AYE !!!!

SCENE II : Twitter Account of Modi

Modi on Twitter : Don’t worry guys. I will be back soon with a brand new scam. Till then wait for me. Adios !!

SCENE III: Rest of the country

Gullible Indian Public : So we spent money, stood in the sun to watch all rigged matches? Wow !!! And we will do it again next year. How many scams must the IPL have before they call for a ban…The answer my friend is blowing in the wind…AND HOPEFULLY WE WILL NOT BE BLOWN BY IT 🙂

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PS : If the article made you smile, leave your comments and votes behind to make me smile too 🙂

Unravelling the mysteries behind the online networking sites

Networking sites - Linkedin, Facebook, orkut

Networking sites - Linkedin, Facebook, orkut

Today no matter who you are, chances are you part of some online networking sites in some form or other. I am too, and maybe a little more than I should be. But there are still many things of the online networking site, which I cannot understand. Hence this is my attempt to figure out how they work and maybe find some answers.

One of the sites that I participate a lot in (maybe a little more than I should), is Facebook. But there are still many a things about it which I just cannot fathom in it. Firstly its this “Like” button on Facebook. You can write any status message on Facebook and lo and behold you have 20 people clicking on the “like” button. Now the last I knew, the word like meant to find something attractive or enjoyable. Now tell me if I have written “I am sad” and you click Like button, or I say “I feel like crying” and you click on the same button, then what are you trying to tell me? Are you telling me you like me sad? That my crying is attractive to you? If not, then why just go blindly clicking on my status messages? Honestly do you even think before you click? Honestly speaks volumes of your intelligence and/ or your friendship with me and yet me supposed to remain their friend. Of course what is worse than this, is people sending you friend requests which you accept and then they dont bother ever saying hi to you at all. I mean do you really think it makes you popular to have 2247 friends and hence you add people irrespective of the fact that you will never talk to them?

The second thing about Facebook which makes me wonder is this “Fan” Page. I understand when you telling me to be a fan of some star, a company, that is you being a third party? But don’t you think its a sign of desperation when you send someone “Fan” link to become a fan of you? I mean who in God’s name goes out and says become a fan of me? I mean I do admit I love it if someone tells me they like my work or my writing, and secretly I do desire they become my fan, but to send a “fan” page of yourself is the heights of desperation. At least if you want so, ask a friend to send so for you. At least will be less desperate and chances are you will get them. I can assure you, most of the people who click on the “Fan” Page that you have are doing so out of sheer pity for you. I mean imagine Shah Rukh Khan going out there and begging people, please be my fan? Sounds stupid right? Then why do you?

Now there is another site, Orkut where I had joined sometime back. Now when I was new to the new medium my brother taught me how to use it, and he told me that how many scraps and friends you have is the latest form of showing how popular you are. Now unlike my brother I was never the popular one, and I was not ready to let an online medium prove the same, was I? Hence I wrote in my profile, please scrap me if you want to be my friend cause its supposed to be the latest measure of popularity and if you make me popular enough I will add you. So in all kindness, most who saw my profile, started scrapping me and adding me as their friend. Now me responded back by accepting their friendship request (I was told and convinced by my well-wisher that saying no to a friendship request was a sin so grave that I would rot in hell). So after I accept, we scrap each other for a few days and then like all things end when the novelty disappears, the scrapping ends after a few days. Now I will tell you where the problem arose. These people who have added me, whom I know nothing beyond some name they had told me, not even a picture to assist me (some people here add filmstar’s pictures against their name…am yet to figure out why though. Are they trying to tell them look like them or are they telling me they their fans? Well whatever the are trying to tell, its quite bizzarre) go change their profile and write some exotic name against their profile(I have seen names like “some moments n some ppl cant b forgotten”, “the forgotten for sure”, “poo flower”, “scent of revolution”, etc. Between you and me am sure it is a revenge game on parents. I mean more often than not parents name the kid, so I feel by putting such esoteric nonsensical names up its their way of saying “I reject”. Honestly can there be any other reason for writing such names? If yes, please enlighten me.). And lo and behold after some days they scrap me back. And am supposed to figure out who they are. Tell me something, can you do it? So I have to search all my old scraps (and I have crossed the holy 5500 mark) and figure out who is this new found friend who is scrapping me again. And I assure you its no easy task and answer back, cause if you don’t the person calls you rude, etc etc. Can you tell me a plight worse than this? But such is the online world.

Orkut has one more problem and the reason why I have taken a raincheck on my usage of that site. People can just simply copy your profile. Now it is a slightly accepted fact that I have a slight amount of wit, and can write reasonably well. Now there are other people, who I guess wants to be so but cannot be so. Hence they simply go copy your profile. I had one with Mr Anil D’Souza from Udupi who did it before, and I had to rewrite the whole thing again and now one Ms Swapna P now. I do agree copy is the best form of flattery but this????? What is worse is not only do they copy it, and give me no credit, but then on top they actually thank people when they are complimented on their profile. The former actually had 3 testimonials written as to how funny he is and the profile was given as proof for the testimony. Can someone go tell people that stapling of clothes when they tear and making microwave made tea is patented by me?

Now one more strange behaviour of people whom you meet in this online space is when they are trying to get to know each other. I don’t know about others, but it has often happened to me, especially if I add someone from the opposite sex, where right after adding, they start a chat online, and it somehow feels like i am in an interrogation room, where they have this list of questions which they ask and I need to answer. . I actually once told someone, send me the quetionnaire and I will fill it up and send it back. Of course my humour and sarcasm, like many times fell flat. 🙂

The latest craze in the online world is Twitter. Today people ask for your twitter name before they ask your name, such is its craze. Now for the illiterate it’s a site where you can micro-blog and update your status and people follow you. Again like the other sites your popularity is measured by your followers. The trick here is you should be following less number of people than people following you. Else you would have performed a cardinal sin and completely discarded as a very unpopular person. Now I understand when people update that they going for a movie. I mean your followers might respond back asking you how the movie is, etc leading to some conversation. But to update messages like “I am going for bath”, “I am having tea” is simply beyond my limited understanding. Just what are you trying to achieved? Do you want to tell me you are clean and take bath daily? Am I supposed to ask you how fresh you feel? Or what? Then why update me on your bathing ritual? Or you having tea? Are you inviting me over? If not, how do I care? Can someone please tell me why people update such useless trivia as status messages?

Now the last but not the least – Linkedin. That site was created for networking of professionals. It was a fantastic medium where you could create your reputation by being recommended by your peer group, bosses, juniors, etc and a very good way to build your professional reputation among a group of people who might not have otherwise known you. This was really good, and here your reputation depended a lot on the recommendations you received for your professional achievements. But lo and behold, did you feel we will sit at that and now make ourselves popular like we did in orkut, twitter and facebook? So you would very soon find yourself being bombarded by requests to recommend people, who forget ever working with, you don’t even know beyond their name. And best is when you tell them you don’t know what they do and have never worked with them, they coolly answer back, please see my profile and you will know what I do. In other words here too, I really don’t care if you have never worked with me or I could be the laziest, most unscrupulous, inefficient employee but you need to use your creative writing skills and make some story about me as to how I am a model employee and God’s gift to the corporate world . I don’t even want to dare ask why I should resort to such means, but then such is life.

I know all the above should be reason enough for me to give up my tryst with the online medium, what makes it worse is when you read how people have met their soulmates online and got married, etc and all I encounter are the above situations. 😦 But then I guess me the eternal optimist live in hope – Hope that someday this bizarre world will make some sense to me too 😀

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The state of state of West Bengal….

The anarchism which exists in West Bengal

The anarchism which exists in West Bengal

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