Category Archives: Conversations

Parenting…#7

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My parents

My parents

Funny talks….1

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Funny conversations

My shortest love story ever…

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The last letter….a short story

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Idiots I meet # 1

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I am sad .. :P

I am Sad

My sad eyes apparently

I am sad – Yes. I have deep hidden emotions, scars, – which I hide with my smile. My smile carries a deep pain ,which I hide with my laughter. My eyes don’t sparkle cause they happy, but apparently cause they hiding the tears.

Now before you get carried away, please stop. These are not my words. That is what someone announced to me last evening. And as you must have guessed by now, as always it was a man (Wonder why I keep meeting such men?). So let’s rewind, shall we to what happened?

So I meet this man online through a debate. He seemed quite nice at that moment. Anyway as my luck would have it, few days after talking (exactly 3 days), he decided to tell me that he could see the pain in my eyes. So here is how the conversation went (am trying to write it verbatim) :

He : Hi, how are you?

Me : Fine, thank you, you?

He : Good. I was going through your pictures. You are pretty

Me : Thank you (added a big grin. Now no matter how shallow it is, I love it when people compliment my looks)

He : But I could see your sadness in it

Me : Ha? Sadness? Where? Why? How?

He : Yes.Though you smile a lot, I could feel that you hiding tears behind your smile.

Me : I was? But am not sad. Am quite happy. I am not “born happy“. Am as what one could called “Learnt happy“. In other words I learnt to be happy. So chill !! you got it wrong.

He : No I do not think so (mind it, he just knows me for 2 days or half hour to be exact as we chatted for 15 minutes on 2 days). Tell me what are you hiding?

Me : (Honestly, was hiding my urge to kick you where your mother never kissed. (Read : Bum), but I lied). Nothing. Unless you think that George Clooney dating another girl is making me sad. In which case, yes I am hiding (sic)

He : Do not lie. I read your blog too. I know you are using humour to block off your pain.Do not hide from me. I am there for you. You can share your pain with me.

Me : Ok. Since you insisted, I am telling you. I met this man a few days back. He  is right now bugging me a lot. I hardly know him, but he claims to know me more than myself. He wants me to manufacture pain, just so he can wipe my tears. Currently am very sad, cause technology has not evolved so much that I can wring his neck, through my laptop 😀

He : (Took a few minutes to understand, I guess cause he responded after a good 7 minutes gap) Hey I was just trying to help. Stop being rude. You know you are not exactly as great as you think yourself to be ^&@#$%

Me : You want to help? Why not wring your own neck? I swear it will make me happy 🙂

Am not sure what happened post this, cause he went offline and since then he blocked me (I know I should have blocked him before he did, but then my motor actions have always been slow).

But since he is gone, I have a happy smile on my face, maybe cause am imagining, he has done something to make me happy – You know wrung his own neck? 

So finally, I have found my happiness. On that note, time you go find yours. You have one life to live, no use being sad. Shit will happen. What you do with the shit is upto you 🙂

My mom….and Facebook…. :)

Ma and her first time experience using Facebook

Ma and her first time experience using Facebook

A few days back I opened a Facebook account for ma. She was wanting to know what is that is so special about it. Now, following is what happened post that (Names of person have been changed to X and Y and the likes to maintain secrecy):

Day 1

Me : So how was your first day on Facebook?

Ma : Good but I had a question?

Me : What?

Ma: Isn’t X and her husband staying with each other anymore?

Me : Of course she is. Why would you get such a stupid idea?

Ma : Oh then why was she telling her husband what she should tell him in the realms of her bedroom, in the public space for all of us to see?

Me : Cause that is the new age love ma.

Ma : So the new age love means discussing your bedroom secrets in public?

Me : Yes ma…

Ma : Oh !!!

Day 2

Me : So how was your second day with Facebook?

Ma : I want to delete Y from my profile. He is a sadist and not my friend.

Me : Ha !! What did he do?

Ma : I wrote today on my wall “I am not feeling well” and he went and liked that comment. I thought he was a friend, but he is a sadist and no friend of mine.

Me : No ma. He is. Liking, is the Facebook language which interpreted in your language, means he does not like you having fever.

Ma : Ha ??

Me : Leave it. It does not make sense to me either.

Ma : Oh !!!

Day 3

Ma : What kind of a friend of yours is Z?

Me : Why?

Ma : He sent me a heart which had some romantic message on it, today. I did not know how to react, so I deleted it, but he needs to know he cannot send me such things. He is old enough to be my son?

Me : LOL. Ma he was not sending you his love. He was playing a game

Ma: A game?

Me : Ya. If you had accepted the heart you would have moved one step closer to solving a jigsaw puzzle. Currently I own 115 hearts and on level 16.

Ma : Oh !!!!

Day 4

Ma : Who is this A? Does he have no manners?

Me : He is a friend of Cousin B. What did he do?

Ma : He has no manners. He does not know me and even if he did, does he not know he should not go poking ladies? Today when I logged in, I saw an alert that A has poked me. Had he been in front of me, I would have whacked him. Rude, insolent urchin.

Me : Ma !!! He was just saying Hi to you…

Ma : Hi to me? By poking me?

Me : Yes ma, that’s the Facebook language of Hi.

Ma : Oh !!!!!

Day 5

Ma : I have new follower today for my blog, a Mr J who uses “Networked Blogs”

Me : Congratulations !!

Ma : He said he liked my blog and is following it and has asked me to follow him back in his blog

Me : So do so.

Ma : But isn’t it the norm to follow blogs when you like them and plan to keep reading them?

Me : Yes, so?

Ma : No, just that his blog is in Spanish, and mine is in Bengali? So……

Me : Oh !!!!!

Day 6

Me : Ma, why have you written in your FaceBook wall that you are going to the loo?

Ma : Well I was seeing everyone updating their every move every minute. And after you told me everything is today’s Facebook way of life, I thought I had to update every minute of my life there. And today I did nothing which I could update about, so when I went to the loo, I thought let me update that? Why? What happened?

Me : Ma !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 7

Me : So how has been your experience so far in Facebook?

Ma : Well I learnt that whatever I have learnt so far in my little over of 50 years of life is all trash.

Me : Meaning?

Ma : Well for starters I learnt that it’s ok to go poking ladies you have never ever met and its considered fine. I learnt it’s ok to talk about your bedroom details in public or wash your dirty linen in full view of others, and its not considered crass. You can be a sadist and enjoy your friend’s misery and you are still considered a friend. We were taught as kids never to talk to strangers but here we can merrily add strangers as friends and never knowing who they really are. The phrase “You scratch my back and I scratch yours” has now changed to “You follow my blog and I will follow yours”. Must say in 7 days I never learnt so much as I learnt via Facebook.

Me : So you continuing?

Ma : Hell No. I am 50+. I don’t think I can handle so much of unlearning at this age. I will go delete my profile tomorrow.

Needless to say, contrary to all her misgivings, its been nearly a month and ma is merrily continuing on Facebook. having learnt all the Facebook language and nuances, and I suspect quite enjoying the ride. Guess end of the day, that is the pull of Facebook….

PS : This is part fiction and part reality

Conversations with my Ma…# 3

Ma and me

Ma and me

This is my third post on my ongoing series of conversations with my mom…

Now I have this firm belief that parents should always praise their kids, in front of outsiders, even if its blatant lies. Now Ma has no such intentions as for her honesty comes above all. Fine enough but she takes this love of telling people about me to another level altogether. Tell her anything under the sun and Ma can relate it back to me and how useless I am at home. Its like an “Association game”. Say anything and Ma can start her complaints about me :). You don’t believe. Sample these….

Conversation 1 :

Guest : You have a lovely home

Ma : Thank You

Guest : It must be quite a effort you put in to keep it so lovely

Ma : Of course, wish my daughter also appreciated the effort and helped me in keeping the home clean. But she takes exactly 10 minutes to dirty everything, after she is back from office.

Me : Ma??????????????

Ma : What? Am I lying????

END OF CONVERSATION

Conversation 2 :

Guest : How do you spend your days here in Bangalore, now that you have shifted from Calcutta?

Ma : Oh I read,I write, I have friends whom I meet from time to time, I go out and then managing this home also takes a lot of my time

Guest : I can see that. Your house is so clean. It must be a major task keeping it so spic and span and must keep you quite busy.

Ma : Thank you so much. And yes it is. And my daughter ensures that I have no free time all day, lest I get bored. You see I will clean everything and she will take exactly 10 minutes to dirty everything ensuring I have to repeat the entire task again. Thanks to her I can never ever feel bored

Me : Ma??????????????

Ma : What? I am praising you and saying how you are always so thoughtful

END OF CONVERSATION

Conversation 3 :

Guest : Hey tell me something, I just saw all the lovely brass items and the crystals. How long does it take to clean them?

Ma : Oh I spend at least an hour and a half cleaning them daily and then I polish them weekly too. Takes quite a bit of time. Of Course it takes my lovely daughter less than 10 minutes to dirty them again

Me : Ma??????????????

Ma : What? Nowadays it takes you lesser time is it?

END OF CONVERSATION

My home

My home


PS : This is a picture of a part of my home. Between You and me, I do know the efforts taken to keep it this lovely

Conversations with my Ma…# 2

Ma and me

Ma and me

This is the second posting on the ongoing series of conversations with my Mom.

Now usually if am travelling out of my city, I prefer staying in hotels. Being a house-guest is something I preferably avoid as its too much work – you know I have to be on my best behaviour and all? Anyway, there are times when either cause I have been invited or cause if I do not stay with someone it becomes a sticky issue (This is India, and such things play a huge role). Anyway if I ever have to stay as a house-guest, ma goes through those anxiety pangs where she feels if her daughter stays somewhere, the truth of how useless her daughter is will come out (somehow I am unable to convince her that no one expects me to be useful around the house at all, and if they still invite me its at their own risk :P). Anyway, so before any trip Ma usually runs the following do’s and don’ts with me, just before I am leaving. Following is the sample of such a conversation…

Ma : You will be staying with people, so please do not let them realise that you are a slob.

Me : Yes ma, but you know that they do know it, right?

Ma : (ignoring my statement as always) So do you promise to make your own bed every morning before you get out of the rooom?

Me : Yes ma – Check !!

Ma : Will you ensure that after food, you clean your own dishes and try and help them cleaning their’s too?

Me : Yes ma – Check !!

Ma : And please keep your clothes neat and clean and not lying around the room.

Me : Yes ma – Check !!

Me : And do you promise to help people in the kitchen when you are at home and not order people around?

Me : Yes Ma – Check !!

Ma : SO THAT MEANS YOU CAN DO EVERYTHING AROUND THE HOUSE BUT YOU WON’T IN YOUR OWN HOME. WHY? CAUSE YOU HAVE AN UNPAID SERVANT AT HOME CALLED YOUR MOTHER?

Me : D-u-h..d-u-h…ahhh….Ma I am going to miss the flight!!! Bye Ma. See you soon Ma..

AND SCOOT !!!!

END OF CONVERSATION

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